Those Memories Of You
by ElIzabeth-81
Summary: Bo/Lauren story set after 2.13, to help us all get through the rest of this long hiatus.  Lauren has to make a choice between Nadia and Bo.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi lovely Doccubus lovers. So this is something I've been working on to help me get through this long hiatus. I've actually written quite a lot of it before getting around to posting, so it should be updated pretty fast. It's set just after episode 2.13. I haven't really written a story like this before so I'm not sure if it 'works' as well as I wanted it too, but it's been fun and challenging to write.**_

_**Lest people start reading it and get worried this is some kind of a Nadia fic I can promise it's really not. She is part of the story because she's part of the show but you'll see where I'm going with it soon enough. Also warning it gets pretty angsty for a while. It won't be always.**_

**Chapter One**

Lauren stared at the road blearily, yawning as she widened her eyes to try to wake herself up. The thermos had long since been emptied and they hadn't passed a gas station for a couple of hours. She was desperately in need of coffee even if it were the muddy road kind. The sun was just beginning to rise and she looked at the sky, pink melting into blue. When she'd been younger she'd loved to watch the sunrise but she couldn't remember the last time she'd done it. She glanced over at Nadia, peaceful in sleep, and looked quickly back at the road.

_I've seen enough of her sleeping to last me a lifetime._ The thought wasn't bitter – the initial wonder of Nadia's awakening hadn't left her.

Her thoughts drifted back to the night before, replaying it once again. It seemed like a lifetime ago now. She tried to recall what Bo had been wearing and failed, but no doubt it had been something black and potentially made of leather. Lauren could also guess it would have clung to her body and that it would have revealed just enough cleavage to be distracting. Lauren smiled at the thought, then shifted her focus to Bo's dark eyes and the way they'd warmly met her own. There was Bo's smile and the awareness of that undercurrent that always lay between them. Then the touch of Bo's hand, the kind that made her feel like she were coming undone.

Bo had been right. It had been a type of goodbye. She had meant it when she'd said that she'd be back; she had no doubt that they would be a part of one another's lives. The thought of not seeing Bo again was not something she could entertain. But as much as this trip was for Nadia - so that they could spend time together and Nadia could see her mother - Lauren also imagined it as a way for her to pull herself together. She had re-committed herself to The Ash and now she needed to re-commit herself to Nadia.

It would be better now with Nadia by her side. She had kept her promise to Nadia and she had never given up. The Ash was strict and had shown a tendency towards cruelty but she knew that she just had to endure whatever happened now. It was the life that she had ended up with and there was no point trying to wish it away. Nadia had some knowledge of the fae world before she had been cursed – she'd been privy to Lauren's research and the way in which she'd found the cure for the diseased fae. In light of that fact and because Nadia had agreed to it and everything that might come with it, The Ash had consented to Nadia living with her in her quarters.

Everything had happened fast enough to make her head spin. She had never really imagined that she'd be in the same room with both Bo and her girlfriend. Instead she'd compartmentalized her feelings for each of them, tried in vain to live two lives. And then the two lives converged and became reality and she had no idea how to behave. All that she'd wanted for so long was coming to pass, Nadia was conscious and by her side, and yet she felt that she was leaving part of herself behind with Bo.

"What are you thinking about?" Nadia's voice broke into her thoughts, making her shift quickly in her seat.

"You," Lauren said, hating herself a little for the lie. She could feel Nadia's eyes on her face and she smiled, looking over at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good honey. You can stop worrying about me you know," Nadia replied, putting her hand on Lauren's knee. She was aware that Lauren still couldn't quite believe her recovery. She'd run dozens of tests on her already, trying to make sure that her good health wasn't some sort of a trick.

"I know," Lauren said. "So, are you nervous? Do you want to run over any of it again?"

Nadia waved her hand. "I got it. How about you, are you going to be alright?"

Lauren shrugged in response. All that was left to do was just to let things play out and tell her the made-up recovery story. She'd been lying so long that seeing Nadia's mother in person didn't seem like that big of a deal. When Nadia had fallen into what she'd thought was her coma and Lauren had been in the process of entering the surreal world of the fae, she had fabricated a story for Nadia's mom. The lie was infused with enough truth to make it easy to tell. She just told Susan that Nadia had been in an accident and had sustained a head injury, and that she was in an induced coma.

It had always been a source of great sadness for Nadia that she'd never had much in the way of family, and that her mother was agoraphobic. It was a circumstance that Lauren felt guiltily thankful for all of the time. Susan had barely left the house since Nadia had been a teenager so there was no way that she'd go to Africa, or even travel across the country to the city where the Ash's compound lay. Lauren had told her that Nadia was in a state-of-the-art facility – she hadn't been lying about that. Now she was finally bringing her home to what was left of her family, if only for a little while.

Lauren felt emotionally drained by the time she lay in bed. There had been a lot of crying from all of them. Susan's reaction had been similar to her own. She could not stop looking at Nadia as though just watching her breathe in and out constituted a miracle. Lauren suspected that Susan had also undergone the same journey that she had. The initial hope that Nadia would get better quickly, then the dimming expectation over months and years. And as with her own, Susan's memories of Nadia had probably settled into the past as she started the long and doubly painful process of grieving for someone that was still alive.

Lauren had been overcome with seeing Susan. She hadn't allowed herself to think about how much she missed her. They'd been so close for a time. Lauren had always felt so much empathy for Susan and the kind of life she must lead, being inside all of the time and in the grip of so much fear. Despite it all Susan was a warm and loving parent - Lauren often thought bitterly that she treated Lauren better than her own parents did.

"I wish we could stay for more than a couple of weeks," Lauren said, rubbing Nadia's arm. They were lying on the bed facing one another.

"Me too," Nadia agreed. She leaned forward and they kissed, warm and sweet. For a moment Lauren felt like she was watching the scene from outside as Nadia tried to deepen the kiss. She pulled backwards slightly. It took her a moment for Nadia to realize that she wasn't responding and Lauren felt a twist of annoyance, pulling back further until Nadia's eyes snapped open to look at her.

"Are you okay?" Nadia said softly.

"Sure. I'm just tired. Long drive," Lauren explained, trying to smile reassuringly and feeling like she was going to cry again under the strain. It was so confusing – why did she feel like she was cheating on Bo? They had never even been together, not properly. Surely this feeling had to go away once she'd readjusted to having Nadia in her life again. It was just that Bo's kisses had always driven her so crazy that it was impossible to not compare.

_It's normal that I don't feel that way when Nadia kisses me, we've kissed a thousand times over the years_. Lauren felt like rationalizations had been flowing through her mind constantly the last few days. And then she would argue with herself. _But Nadia never made me feel like that, even when we first met. Nobody ever has. _She was growing tired of the conversation in her head – the fighting with her emotions – but who else could she talk to? There was nobody who could understand, all of her friends had been left behind. She wouldn't have been able to tell them everything anyway.

"You're starting to worry me," Nadia said, laying her head on Lauren's chest and nestling into her side.

Lauren stiffened defensively. "What do you mean by that?"

"We used to be so good at talking. I just don't understand what's going on in that head of yours," Nadia said gently, tapping Lauren's temple with her fingertip.

There was a long pause as Lauren stared at the ceiling. "Just give me some time sweetie. I know this is hard for both of us, and I'm sorry if I've been . . . distant."

"It's okay. Are you worried about going back?" Nadia asked.

"Yep, I am. Let's talk about it tomorrow though, I promise. I really am tired," Lauren ran her fingers through Nadia's hair, her hand dropping as she drifted off.

_The sensations were so real. Bo's soft skin in her palms, Bo kissing her hungrily, the two of them never getting close enough. Bo's tongue in her mouth, and the answering jolt in her stomach. She could feel Bo's weight on her, pressing her down, hip against hip. Gentle friction growing more insistent as they ground against one another. She could see Bo's eyes looking at her like they always did, heat in her gaze, her breath hot and fast. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey thanks for your reviews! I'm going to post two chapters tonight. It might seem a little slow at the moment while I'm setting shit up but it'll get going . . . x**

**Chapter Two**

Lauren snapped awake, and it was long moments before she remembered where she was. Nadia was sitting on the edge of the bed, and Lauren saw her look over her shoulder back at Lauren. She scrambled to pull herself out of the dream, still feeling half asleep as she threw the blanket back and stretched. She felt embarrassed about how aroused the dream had made her, and had to remind herself that there was no way Nadia would be able to tell.

"You still talk in your sleep when you're really tired," Nadia said flatly.

"What did I say?" Lauren asked as a sinking feeling settled in her stomach.

"Bo's name. And a few other things."

Lauren gave herself a second to cringe, wondering what kind of noises she must have been making. She moved to crouch behind Nadia, rubbing her hands over Nadia's shoulders. "I'm so sorry."

"I've been waiting for you to tell me what's going on. I thought I'd let you do it on your own time, or maybe I wasn't ready to know it yet, I don't know," Nadia said. Lauren kissed Nadia's shoulder, hearing the way her voice hitched. Nadia rolled her shoulder away and turned so that they were facing one another.

"Just tell me," Nadia urged her.

Lauren swallowed hard, tears pricking in her eyes. The inevitability of this moment hadn't made her dread it any less. Lying by omission for the past few days had been one thing; but she couldn't keep it up any longer. She'd always intended to explain it to Nadia, she knew that her conscience would eat her alive otherwise. She had just been prolonging it knowing that it was going to make everything even harder. If she had felt self-conscious around Bo and Nadia before, she could only imagine what it would be like now.

"I don't know how to tell you," Lauren said helplessly. She'd told Nadia about their friendship and what Bo was. She'd told her all she could without really telling her anything, and now she didn't know where to begin.

"I just need to know how far it went. Were you . . . were you _with_ her?"

Lauren shook her head. "Not exactly. We've been close friends, you know that. I got carried away. You have to understand, I was starting to think that you were never waking up."

"I mean did you sleep with her?"

Lauren cut her eyes away. She knew it would be better to tell the truth but for a fleeting moment she just wished so hard that she didn't have to. She nodded. "A couple of times. But please, please, believe me when I say that whatever was between us is over. She knows the deal, she helped me bring you back."

Lauren watched Nadia as the words sank in, emotions passing over her face, quickly being replaced by others. Disbelief, then hurt, then anger. "I think I knew the moment I saw you two together." Nadia covered her face. "She's a _succubus_ for God's sake Lauren, you knew that from the start. I've seen her. Magical sex powers or whatever. I can't believe you'd be so gullible."

"It wasn't like that, she didn't _make_ me do anything," Lauren said quickly, and then realized her mistake immediately when Nadia got up to leave. "Wait . . ."

She'd sounded like she was taking sides against her own girlfriend and it was the least helpful thing she could have done. But she resented the suggestion, even if she understood it. It was something she'd wrestled with for a time, analysing how much of her attraction was based on Bo's power and how much belonged just to her. The question had been settled in her mind a long time ago. Bo might be the most beautiful and magnetic woman she'd ever met, but it was Bo's heart that had always really got to her. It was in the way she treated Lauren, the way she'd fight to protect the people she cared about. It was in her fierce convictions, and in the way she smiled.

Lauren fell back against the bed. She should get up and go after Nadia immediately, but all she felt like doing was closing her eyes and going to sleep again.

It was a long day. She went out to buy food for all of them and spent longer than she needed to at the market, giving Nadia and Susan some space. Nadia was being polite and distant towards her which made her feel like shit. But she knew Nadia well enough to know that she needed time to think, and she was sure that she would talk about it again as soon as they were alone. She knew that Nadia wouldn't breathe a word of anything being wrong between them to her mother, because she shielded her mother from everything believing that she was fragile enough to break. It was one of the benefits of being with someone for so long – five years had not erased the fact that she knew Nadia inside out.

When Susan had gone to bed, Nadia came into their bedroom and Lauren looked at her expectantly, putting down the book that she'd been trying half-heartedly to read.

"I'm really, really hurt, but I've been trying to understand. I know you must have been very lonely," Nadia started. Lauren nodded, looking down at the ground. She'd tried to avoid talking about how difficult it had been, not wanting Nadia to feel that she'd ever thought of her as a burden.

"I need to know that you really want to be with me. I know how much you've sacrificed, and I want to be by your side when you have to go back there. But if you want to be with her then you have to tell me. I can stay here with mom. I don't want to stay with you if your heart's not in it," Nadia said. She used her hand to guide Lauren's face towards her, ensuring that they were making eye contact.

"I want to stay with you Nadia, of course I do. I love you so much," Lauren replied, both of them crying. Lauren sealed her promise with a kiss. There would be plenty of time for questions and explanations; there was so much Nadia still didn't know. Lauren felt too exhausted to begin.

They made love, and Lauren threw herself into giving Nadia all the attention that she deserved. They lay naked and in one another's arms and Lauren watched Nadia as she slept, telling herself that now more than ever she needed to prove to Nadia that she meant to stay.

You didn't just give up something that you'd spent the last ten years building. How could she ever just walk away, after everything that they'd both been through? Especially for what could be something fleeting. Bo had never made her any promises; had never even told her how she felt. There were times when she'd been absolutely sure that Bo's feelings were as strong as her own but maybe that had just been wishful thinking on her part.

Though it made her hurt everywhere inside, she would keep being cold towards Bo. She would make Bo understand that all they could ever be was friends, and she would have to pray like hell that it would be enough.

She would tell the lie that she didn't care, until it became true.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Lochlyn had granted her two weeks leave, and the time moved swiftly. In the letters Lauren had written to Susan over the years she had tried to imply that her life was full with work and friends – she hadn't wanted her to worry. There was no question that they needed to return and Nadia promised Susan that they would visit again soon.

It was amazing how quickly a person could adapt to their circumstances. It was already beginning to feel as though Nadia had never been gone. Maybe it was easier for her because Nadia was no different – she was completely unaltered given that for her time had stopped.

It clearly was not the same for Nadia; there were times that Lauren would catch Nadia looking at her with a mixture of surprise and concern. They rarely spoke about the ways in which Lauren had or hadn't changed, because Nadia knew that it was a sensitive subject. Early in the visit Nadia had commented on how Lauren was a little more serious than she used to be, and Lauren had snapped back at her that five years on the compound would have that effect. She'd felt awful afterwards that she hadn't been able to hide her resentment.

By the end of the visit Lauren had convinced herself that everything was going to be okay. Her longing for Bo had not dimmed in such a short time. Truth be told, she felt a thrill every time she even thought about seeing her again. She couldn't wait to get back and make contact, even if it was just to return the car. However, she told herself that if she kept her distance and behaved properly, her attraction would fade in time. Bo would move on to somebody else, and it would hurt her to witness it but it would be better for everyone in the long run.

Lauren felt a surge of optimism as they drove back to the compound. They were listening to music, the sun on their faces and the wind blowing through the open windows. If she were honest with herself she had never hated working for the fae; it was fascinating and challenging and she felt privileged to be allowed into their world.

Of course Lochlyn's treatment of her had been despicable. She would need to be strategic. It was important that she would have to learn how to anticipate his moods and strike up a better relationship with him. The fact that he had saved Nadia indicated that he could be reasonable. The fae just had their own set of rules, their own sense of justice, and it was just about unlocking it.

"What are you going to do about Bo when we get back?" Nadia asked her.

"How do you mean?" Lauren replied after holding her breath for a moment. They had both studiously avoided the topic for the last week or so, exhausted by the long and tearful conversations they'd had in the first days after Lauren had come clean.

"Are you going to talk to her?"

"Well I'll have to return her car," Lauren avoided.

"Don't, Lauren. You know what I'm getting at."

Lauren knew her voice sounded shaky when she began talking, and she tried to keep it out of her voice. "Yes, I'll talk to her about us," she promised.

They returned Lauren's apartment, and Nadia set about unpacking their suitcases as Lauren left to drive the car back to Bo's. Lauren had cringed inside at the worried look on Nadia's face, knowing that she was going to see that look for a long time whenever she needed to see Bo. She'd explained to Nadia that they would still need to maintain a good working relationship. She'd pointed out that a lot of cases Bo consulted with her about were important, and that she couldn't just stop helping. Nadia had reluctantly said that she understood.

Lauren's stomach was fluttering by the time she reached Bo's door. When Bo opened it and appeared looking utterly stunning and extremely happy to see her, the fluttering became a full on hammering.

"Hey," Bo greeted her. Lauren noticed as Bo's eyes flicked over her shoulder, looking to see if she were alone.

"It's just me," Lauren confirmed. Bo smiled at her and she gave a small smile back. Even without Nadia watching Lauren felt self-conscious. Her resolve was breaking; suddenly she just wanted to get away before she made a fool of herself. It was difficult to even just look at Bo's eyes and at that hopeful smile.

"Thanks for the car, she actually ran pretty well," Lauren said stiffly, holding out the keys.

"Anytime. Why don't you come in, have a drink? Kenzi's abandoned me for her new boyfriend. I could use the company," Bo joked.

Lauren agreed, explaining that she couldn't stay too long. Now she sat awkwardly on the couch while Bo opened a bottle of wine. She felt far too comfortable in this place; there were too many memories crowding around her. Not to mention she hadn't been able to resist running her eyes over Bo's body as she'd followed her inside. Some of her habits were going to be hard to break, she thought glumly.

"So, how was your trip?"

"Good, it was good. So Kenzi's already getting serious with that guy from your party, huh?" Lauren said lightly, playing with her hands in her lap.

Bo bought their glasses over towards her and sat next to her on the couch, far too close for her to feel at ease. She moved back slightly, pretending that she were just shifting her weight.

"Yes, she's disgustingly happy, it's great. Of course I miss her, but she would have been miserable if she'd stayed here while -"

"Bo -" Lauren placed a hand over Bo's and then removed it instantly. It was dangerous to touch her. "We should talk."

"I know," Bo said, looking down at the skin Lauren had touched, sadness passing over her expression.

Lauren picked up her wine and took a sip from it, buying herself some time. She had no idea what to say – she found herself in the position of trying to break up with someone she wasn't even dating. So much between them had always been left unsaid; the last thing she wanted to appear was presumptuous. If she thought she could get away with saying nothing she would gladly do that. Then all she had to do was think of the way Bo had touched her hand when she'd last been here and she was reminded that they needed to clear the air. They had a connection that needed to be severed, that was the fact of the matter.

"I'm sorry," Lauren blurted out.

"What are you apologizing for, exactly?" Bo said, their eyes locking onto one another's.

"I don't know. I mean, I don't know what to say . . . I've just made a lot of mistakes. I want things to be okay between us," Lauren fumbled.

"You think of what happened between us as a mistake?" Bo was no longer looking at her. She was gazing into her wine glass dejectedly. Bo was always so vibrant and full of life that it hurt Lauren to see her looking so deflated. As usual she had put her foot straight into her mouth.

"No, of course not," Lauren said emphatically. "I just – you're really important to me Bo. But I'm with Nadia, for good. I hope that doesn't mean we can't still be friends."

"Have I acted as though we couldn't be?" Bo said with an edge of anger coming into her voice, but she was looking at Lauren sadly. "I think I've been a pretty good friend to you lately actually."

"Of course you have," Lauren said. This was turning out to be even worse than she'd been anticipating. A lump had began to form in her throat and she was becoming even more tongue-tied as a result. "Maybe I should go. I just wanted to tell you that I care about you, a lot, but that we need to keep things a bit more professional from now on." She put down her wine glass and started to rise shakily.

Bo got up so that they were facing one another. "I get it, you know. If you're trying to make sure I know you're in love with Nadia and you that don't feel that way about me, you didn't need to say it."

Lauren stared at Bo, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. Her fists tightened and she relaxed them, realizing that she'd felt like putting her arms out to hold Bo. What Bo had gathered might be what she was _supposed_ to be saying, and it was certainly what Nadia would have wanted her to say, but it wasn't what she wanted at all. She couldn't even begin to talk about how she really felt, and that was why she was having trouble saying anything at all. Losing the battle with herself she put her hands out to Bo's shoulders, stroking them while she fumbled to find words, then touched the side of Bo's face, brushing hair behind her ear.

There were so many things she would say if she could. _I never meant to hurt you. I was serious about you, the whole time, and you were always the best thing about my day. I want you so much I can't even breathe around you. _And most terrifyingly_, I'm starting to get scared that it's only you that I'm in love with._

Lauren felt her eyes welling up and knew that she needed to get away before she crumbled. She looked away from Bo's look of concern, which existed despite her own anger and hurt. Lauren yanked her hands away and started to move.

"Lauren, wait . . ."

Lauren didn't turn around and she didn't look back. She couldn't stand there and lie about how she felt; the only thing to do was to run.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Thanks again for your reviews :) It's about to change direction so I hope you still like it. Only a few more days til the new season, yay! **_

**Chapter Four**

By the time she returned home she'd composed herself, and had managed to not actually cry. She wasn't going to be able to go on with this if she didn't pull herself together. She'd walked rather than called a taxi, preferring to use the time to clear her mind. There was a sick feeling in her stomach. She had hoped for a conversation that would wrap everything up neatly and yet all she'd done was make more of a mess. While she'd been away she'd sworn to herself that she wouldn't mess around with Bo's feelings or lead her on, and yet she couldn't spend any time around her without almost coming apart.

She lingered outside for a moment, making sure she would be okay before she went inside. The last thing she felt like doing was recounting too much of her conversation to Nadia; it was something that she just wanted to keep private. She would say only what she had to.

Lauren heard footsteps and was shocked when she turned to see Lochlyn coming towards her. She forced herself to stand a little taller, feeling instantly nervous and on edge. He would only come to see her for a very specific and probably very worrying reason; otherwise he would have sent one of his underlings. She looked him up and down – there was something different about the way he was approaching her. Later she would realize that he didn't look quite as smarmy as she'd always thought of him as.

"Lauren, I trust that you enjoyed your leave?"

"Yes, I did thank you. Do you need me to come to the compound? Can I just let Nadia know where I'm going please?"

"I wanted to speak with you. Invite me inside," he ordered her, motioning towards the door.

Anxiously she unlocked the door, afraid to call out to Nadia in case she angered The Ash. Nadia came into the room at the moment they stepped inside and stopped walking when she saw Lochlyn. She warily eyed Lochlyn and Lauren looked at her with a warning in her expression. She had explained the rules of etiquette to Nadia and had told her a thousand times to always be deferential; luckily Nadia appeared to have caught herself and had altered her expression until it were blank.

"Sit down, I'd like to speak with both of you," Lochlyn said, his tone somehow soothing and commanding at the same time. "There is something I would like to explain to you. I can't tell you all of the details, I can only tell you what's relevant to your own situation. Suffice to say that you've each served a purpose to me recently. Lauren, because of your relationship with Bo, I utilized you to conduct a test. Again I can't tell you the purpose of the test, but I sent Bo on a mission to lift the curse on you, Nadia."

His gaze shifted from Lauren to Nadia. Lauren's heart was pounding – she was trying to keep her expression impassive, needing to hear the end of the story. Lochlyn was re-counting it as though he were talking about a mere game of chess, and she supposed to him that's all it was. They were only humans after all. He had no reason to be gentle or to try to spare anyone's feelings.

He was looking at her again. "I've found you very useful in the short time you've been under my power, and I know from his diaries that the previous Ash did also. I'd be more than happy for us to continue our current relationship, albeit with you having a little more freedom. I can still own you both and offer you protection. And I can be much more lenient than I've had to be recently," he grinned and winked at her, as though his recent treatment of her could ever been thought of as amusing.

"However, as for your other use - your relationship with Bo – frankly I don't need you anymore. I was only play-acting when I asked for your re-committed, and when you accepted. You've honored your agreement with the previous Ash, so in accordance with protocol I can release you now if you wish."

There was a silence at the end of his long explanation. Nadia and Lauren looked at one another, and then back at Lochlyn. Lauren saw how hopeful and happy Nadia looked – she hadn't known the fae long enough to grasp that there was _always _a catch. It could never be as simple as just releasing them, not with everything that she knew about the fae world and its workings. She had tried to find out over the years what would happen should she ever earn her freedom but had never found answers forthcoming, and her research had yielded nothing. Though she'd gleaned a little about memory wiping for humans, she had to admit now that she'd tried to not think about it too much.

Lauren was still trying to grasp the substance of his story. She knew better than to ask too many questions, so she tried to think of what kind of question would gain the most detailed answer.

"So it was Bo that was responsible for lifting the curse? And she agreed to not tell me?" Lauren asked, her emotions getting the better of her.

Lochlyn had a slight smirk on his face as he looked first at one woman and then the other. "Yes." As Lauren expected, he was hardly going to give the whole game away to her. She found herself quickly going over the last few weeks in her mind. Though there were much bigger issues to worry about she felt like an idiot. Bo had known the whole time while she spoke of swearing her loyalty to Lochlyn. She must have thought her such a fool.

"What would be the conditions of our release?" Lauren asked.

"You would be too much of a risk to our kind as you are. You would have to submit to a Mnemosyne and her Handmaidens," he stated simply.

Lauren had some vague knowledge of the fae he had spoke about; a sub-type that fed from human memory. She urgently tried to go back through what she'd read in her mind but it was a very rare type, she'd never had the opportunity to examine or meet one. She couldn't even remember if they were dark or light, although she did recall the legends about them being responsible for cases of amnesia and dementia. Her heart was sinking.

"Please go on," Lauren said, her voice shaky and thin.

"She would erase all memory for you both of the fae. Your knowledge that we even exist would disappear. Her Handmaidens are chosen for their mystical abilities with memory. They would perform rituals that would replace your memories with those that explain your presence in this town and place. You'd have to speak with them so that they could get a sense of you and use your minds to create the fabric of those memories."

Lauren felt like she were holding her breath. "Is it dangerous in any way? Are there any side effects?"

"It's a process that's as sophisticated as anything we do. This wouldn't be the first time someone has wanted to return to the human world. You've witnessed our skill with your own eyes, there's no need for you to question it," Lochlyn said, gesturing towards Nadia. "The process would be described to you in more detail should you accept the offer, but not by me."

"Right," Lauren said. She was at a loss at what to say; and could sense that Nadia was in a similar state of shock next to her.

"I could point out that The Light employ the Mnemosyne whilst the Dark would just kill humans they fear could compromise them. Or they'd suck their memory and leave them an empty shell," Lochlyn said.

"Yes, we're very grateful for the offer," Lauren said mechanically.

"Sleep on it, and come and visit me in the morning. You will meet with them tomorrow afternoon if you decide that's the path you'll take. Need I remind you, if you try to leave without abiding by our conditions we could track you down very easily."

"Thank you," Nadia said as Lochlyn stood up to leave.

Nadia closed the door behind him and turned around to lean against it. Lauren put her hands in her hair, exhaling sharply. It was so much to take in. Nadia was smiling and Lauren pushed down her irritation, trying to not show it. Nadia didn't understand as much about what they'd be giving up; she hadn't spent five years working with them and alongside them.

Not to mention _her. _Bo was all she had been able to think about from the moment Lochlyn had made the proposal. She wanted to have a real conversation about this and make the decision together; however it looked like Nadia had already made up her mind.

"Wow . . . Lauren, this could be the solution to everything. We can wipe the slate clean, and it can be like this whole nightmare never happened," Nadia came over to where she sat on the couch, clasping her hands. Lauren couldn't look at her hopeful face.

It was so lonely, being with Nadia again and yet having had so many experiences that she could never understand. Lauren knew that she was so different now – but she wasn't sure that all those changes were bad. She had been able to do so much good helping Bo with her cases, not to mention all of her work with the fae. She'd learned so much and seen things that so few people were ever privileged enough to encounter.

"Nadia, can we just think about this for a moment? You have to understand, nothing is for free. There is always a price where the fae world works, things always need to be balanced. We don't know how we would be affected by this. I have a lot of questions about this, and I can't just wait to hear them answered once we've already started. I want to do some research before I even think about committing to this," Lauren urged her.

"Okay, of course. But if we find out that it's all safe and that it's as good as it sounded, we'll go through with it, won't we?"

"I don't know Nadia, like I said, you need to let me look into this."

Lauren saw a shadow pass over her face. "Is this about Bo? You wouldn't remember her, would you? What happened when you saw her tonight?"

"_Nothing_," Lauren said quickly, then telling herself to be careful not to get too defensive and give herself away. "No, I wouldn't remember her. Please try to understand where I'm coming from too, Nadia. This has been my life for the last few years."

"I know that," Nadia said, looking wounded. "I know what you did for me."

Lauren rubbed at Nadia's hands, trying to force a calm she could never feel. "Hey, let's just calm down. There's no point arguing about it until we know what we're dealing with. I'll go to The Dal and try to get some information, then we'll talk again okay?"

Nadia nodded her agreement, and pulled Lauren in for a hug. Lauren looked over her shoulder, a chill empty fear starting to gnaw at her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

When she entered The Dal she looked around the room, and saw only a few stragglers still clinging to the bar. She'd been half-hoping that Bo would be there, as she always did when she came in here. Sometimes she'd been lucky but not tonight. Trick smiled at her when she entered and was already pouring her a beer before she could reach him.

She held out a hand, trying to smile at him. "Sorry, but I can't stay for a drink. I need to talk to you about something pretty urgent."

His expression immediately became serious as he pushed the glass away and leaned towards her, all ears.

"How much do you know about the Mnemosyne?"

Trick did not react much but Lauren saw a faint expression of surprise. "Are you leaving us?"

"Maybe," Lauren confirmed, feeling relieved that he obviously knew quite a bit. "Is it safe?"

"I'm sorry to see you go. But yes, it is safe. It can become complicated depending on the length of time, just because of the volume of memories that have to be implanted. You've been with us for about five years?" Off Lauren's nod, he thought about it and then nodded back. "I've heard of it being successful in cases where the time was longer. I've got a good book on the subject, shall I go back and get it?"

Lauren nodded her assent gratefully. As he walked away she realized that she was actually disappointed. In some respects it would have been easier if he'd warned her off; then the decision would be made for her.

"Thanks, I'll return it tomorrow," Lauren said, already walking away.

"Lauren, wait. You can keep it. If you've already began discussions then you probably don't have much time."

"Thanks," Lauren said meaningfully. She ran back and leaned over, hugging him awkwardly over the bar. "You've always been kind to me. Thank you." She felt a surge of emotion – nostalgia for someone whom she hadn't even realized was important to her - as he pulled away and looked at her compassionately.

"Does Bo know yet?"

"No," Lauren confided. She looked away from him for a moment. She supposed it was obvious to everyone how much feeling there had been between them, and Trick did seem to know everything.

He took her hand and squeezed it. "Lauren, listen to me very carefully. Word will be sent through the fae world that you're lost to us, and none of us would put that at risk. But Bo is different. You're going to need to explain this to her well, and be convincing. Consider that she'll remember you but you won't remember her. Bo's very stubborn, and she doesn't play by our rules. You're going to have to make sure she respects your decision or the whole thing could go awry," he explained.

"Thank you, Trick," she said, grasping the book in her hands as she turned to walk away.

She read into the night, skim reading for relevant passages while Nadia lay beside her staring up at the ceiling. Every now and then she would read a paragraph aloud. Over the course of the hours she started to settle into a feeling of resignation. In a way, just as she had when she spoke to Trick she'd been searching for a reason to not go through with this. She had to concede that there wasn't one. The book appeared to be a reliable source and there were many, many well-documented cases of the memory implanting being successful. They'd even had fae psychologists run experiments and longitudinal studies on humans. Additionally she trusted Trick's word more than any book, and he didn't seem to know of any reason why they shouldn't do it.

When she put the book down at last she rolled over and looked at Nadia.

"Well?" Nadia said. Lauren could sense that she'd been biting her tongue for the past few hours.

"I'm satisfied that it's safe. It sounds like people just go on with their lives."

"Lauren. I know you think you'll miss everyone, but really _think _about it. You won't know what's happened, you'll have no knowledge of it at all. And we can be happy together again. What kind of life is this going to be?" Lauren watched as a tear escaped from the corner of Nadia's eye. She had never fooled her one little bit; Nadia could see how dissatisfied she felt and it must cut her to the bone.

"That sounds nice. It sounds more than nice, Nadia, doing all the things we always talked about. But I just can't escape this feeling that it's _wrong,_ somehow. It's like The Matrix, like taking the blue pill and just turning your back on reality. Do you understand what I'm saying?" she brushed Nadia's hair tenderly to soften her words.

"Honey, this is what's wrong. We are just animals to them. I'm telling you, I can't live like this. I didn't want to give you an ultimatum but I'm doing this. You can come with me or stay here," Nadia said.

Lauren's stomach plunged. For a moment she actually considered it. She hadn't allowed the thought to cross her mind until Nadia said it aloud. Nadia would hate her but then she would be gone. Lauren's life would not be so different to how it had been before Nadia woke up, only she would know that Nadia was walking around safe and happy.

She hated herself for even entertaining the thought. She couldn't just let Nadia submit to a memory suck alone. And in fact, she didn't even know if Lochlyn would allow it because the deal had been offered to both of them. He hadn't mentioned the possibility.

_I won't remember Bo, and all this hurt will be gone. It won't take her long to move on and find someone else. Nobody else will even notice or care that I'm gone. Hell, people like Kenzi and Dyson will be glad to see the back of me._

"No," Lauren said firmly. "Let's do this."

"Really?" Nadia said tearfully.

"Yes," Lauren confirmed.

She was in Lochlyn's office by nine the next day, and true to his word he sought her out soon after to tell her arrangements had been put in place. They were to meet with the Mnemosyne and her handmaidens at noon that very day.

They were four of the most beautiful women she'd ever seen, each of them with porcelain skin and rose colored lips. One after the other they put their hands over Nadia and Lauren's hands and hearts. Lauren noticed one of them eying her critically when she did so, but perhaps she were just being paranoid.

"We'll begin the process before dawn, we'll be at your living quarters at 4am. If you have any business to take care of you'll need to do it before then. You'll go to sleep and when you wake up, it will be done," one of the Handmaidens explained in her silky voice. They hadn't offered names and Lauren wasn't sure that they had them. This one ran through some of the affairs that needed to be put in order – removing any fae artifacts from the house, for example. Lauren nodded along; there was nothing that she wasn't already aware of from her reading.

She would need to go and see Bo as soon as they were done. There was no room for error; she'd already called and made sure she would accept a visit from Lauren. Now it was just up to her to explain it all enough for Bo to agree to leave her alone.

"Why does it happen like that? I mean why when we wake up in the morning?" Nadia asked. She'd asked similar questions of Lauren the night before, but it seemed to comfort her to hear it directly from the source.

"It just makes the transition more seamless. If you didn't wake up in your own bed it wouldn't work. Shortly after you've made the pledge we will begin with the implants. First of all, you're going to need to supposedly be in an entirely new city, you will have just moved here so that you can begin creating new memories. We'll have to match reality to these implants seamlessly, so we need to go over contact you've had with your family and try to work out different explanations for your stories."

"Wait, but how can you know what _other_ people are going to remember? What if they contradict something you've implanted?" Nadia asked. Lauren had to admit she was starting to become frustrated. Nadia had just wanted to go full steam ahead, she didn't know how she could have consented to this when she didn't even understand the whole thing.

"Memory is a strange thing. We can all remember the same event very differently, and if someone were to contradict them you would simply be certain that they were wrong," the Mnemosyne said, her tone somewhat patronising. She was gazing at them hungrily, and Lauren had to look away.

"Now for the pledge. It's common for humans to get cold feet once we've begun the process, you can be fickle creatres. But you see we can't spend our whole afternoon working on this to have you change your minds. Before we commence I need you to be bound to us, you must promise it. If after you make the pledge you try to go back on your word, you won't be able to. You'll be bound to us. If you try to run we'll find you, and believe me when I say the process would be much less pleasant under those conditions. You must be in your beds when we've said it, or you may not be left alive. Do you understand?"

This was the part that Lauren had been dreading most of all. But when it was time and Nadia kneeled on the ground in front of her, she went to join her.

Lauren and Nadia stepped back into their apartment. Lauren looked fretfully at her watch – it was already five in the afternoon. It had taken hours to construct the plans for the implants, and the Handmaidens had spent a great deal of time just touching them to read their pasts and natures. Lauren pointed over towards the cabinet filled with medications against the wall. Nadia had agreed to clean out the apartment while she went to speak with Bo. She'd already stopped by the lab to type up instructions for Bo's formula, and gathered up enough of the ingredients to get her through for a while.

"Just throw all of that stuff out." Lauren gestured towards her bookshelf. "There are texts in there that will need to go. And um, I don't know what else, I hope it will be obvious."

Nadia came over to her and put her hands on Lauren's shoulders. "I've got this. You go and do what you need to do."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Lauren's hands were trembling by the time she knocked on Bo's door. It had crossed her mind several times that it was fortunate this was all happening very fast, she was not sure otherwise that she would have been able to go through with it. As it was she was terrified to talk to Bo about this – her mind had been flooded on the way over with all of the experiences and sensations she was about to lose. She felt too numb and in shock to cry.

"Hey," Bo said as she opened the door. She greeted Lauren with a smile but then looked at her seriously. She no doubt had assumed Lauren just wanted to talk more about Nadia; God if only that were the case.

"Can I get you something? Coffee, wine?"

"No, thank you. Can we sit? I don't have much time."

"Sure," Bo agreed. Her eyes narrowed as she finally noticed the box Lauren was carrying. "What's that?"

Lauren put it on the coffee table in front of them as they settled onto the couch. She hesitated, unsure about whether to tell her what it was right away or lead in with something different. If she'd had time she would have planned what she were going to say. This was going to be one of the hardest conversations she'd ever had, and she'd been too shaken up to figure out how to approach it. "It's the things for your formula," she said before she had time to get lost in her head again.

"Are you going away somewhere?" Bo said, realization dawning on her face.

"In a sense," Lauren laughed nervously and then took a deep shuddering breath. "Lochlyn has offered us our freedom. He told me what you did for us. I – I don't know what to say."

"It's okay," Bo said, putting a hand on Lauren's shoulder soothingly. "Just slow down for a sec. That's good news, right? He's not as evil as we were thinking he was. So you're free, and you guys are going away for real now?" Her voice broke a little over the last few words.

Lauren put a hand over her face, her fingers shaking. Bo was like Nadia in some respects – she had learned a lot about the fae world since she'd come into it, but she still had a kind of naivete about the way things worked.

"Bo, it's not that simple."

"Okay, so tell me? What has he done?" her voice took on a harder tone. Lauren could guess that she were already thinking of how she were going to march over there and sort this out for her. It would be endearing if there were any chance at all that it could happen; seeing as there wasn't it only made her feel sad.

"We've accepted the conditions, Bo. We had to agree to a memory wipe so that we won't have any knowledge of the fae," she watched Bo's face as understanding started to pass across her expression. "The process has already been started. Come tomorrow, I can't see you anymore."

"Because you won't remember me?"

Lauren quickly explained the process as simply as she could, which was no easy feat seeing as it had taken her so long to wrap her mind around it herself. She almost couldn't look at Bo – her eyes had filled with unshed tears. By the time she was finished they'd spilled as Bo had begun to weep. She'd seen Bo close to tears before but she'd never seen her actually cry, and it made her feel utterly heartsick to know that she was the cause of it.

She moved closer to Bo on the couch and wrapped her up in her arms, holding her close. She stroked her hair softly, whispering words of comfort to her, but she was dangerously close to crying herself. Bo felt so soft against her, and holding her felt so _right_. Another memory she automatically clutched close to re-live later; only the horror was that this time she wouldn't be able to do that.

"I hate that it has to be this way. But I'm begging you Bo, you have to abide by the rules of the exchange. Once I'm wiped, you can't try to contact me or meet with me or anything. If you even saw me on the street you'd have to pretend you didn't know me. Do you understand?"

She felt Bo nod against her, and then abruptly she felt herself being pushed away. "You should have come to me. Maybe we could have worked out another way." Lauren saw that she was angry and was unsurprised. She was running through the stages of grief after all. She reached forward and put her hands in Bo's hair, making her turn to look at Lauren. She wanted to give Bo time but it was the last thing that she had; and she needed to be sure before she left here tonight that Bo had accepted all of this.

"Listen to me, Bo. If I'd thought there were any other way I wouldn't have done this. But you know how rigid the Light can be. They wouldn't have let me go otherwise and I would have been working for them forever, living under The Ash's rule. I might have had more freedom than I have lately, but I still wouldn't be free. I had to consider Nadia in all of this."

Bo swatted her hands away, pulling back. She'd stopped crying now and Lauren could see that she was full-on angry now. "Don't touch me."

"Okay, Bo," Lauren said softly. "I don't know how else to explain this to you. Please just stop and think about this for a moment. I know you're upset but please don't be angry with me. Try to put yourself in my shoes. Even with you being unaligned you have choices that I don't have. I'm just a human."

They sat for a long while in silence, Lauren watching while Bo stared off into space looking utterly wretched. "Can you at least stay with me for a while?"

Lauren tentatively put her hand onto Bo's knee and Bo allowed it. "Of course I can. I have to be there by 4am." She looked at her watch. It was only early evening, they still had several hours. "I'll stay with you until I absolutely have to go."

Any other time she'd have been worried about the consequences with Nadia – but what difference did it make now? She called to tell her and when Nadia tried to protest she told her firmly that it was necessary. Nadia could say whatever she liked but she wouldn't even remember it tomorrow, Lauren thought bitterly.

When she'd called Nadia Bo had discreetly gone to another room. When she returned she appeared to have washed her face and composed herself somewhat.

"I'll respect your wishes, Lauren," she said. "I can't pretend that I'm okay with it, but if it's what you want then I know there's nothing I can do. . ." she shrugged hopelessly.

"Come here," Lauren said. She held Bo and they rocked back and forth. Even if she wouldn't remember it she wanted to experience it – she just wanted this, now. She took in the smell of Bo's hair and the way Bo's soft breasts were crushed against her own.

"I feel like you're dying or something. At least I'll know you'll be okay. I hope you'll be happy, Lauren. You deserve it," Bo said. She pulled back a little to look into Lauren's eyes, and Lauren knew instantly that something had changed between the two of them. It had flared up between them instantly, the sparks that always flew when they were together.

"I want you to be happy too. You're so special Bo, you're going to meet someone." They were still standing close, Bo's hands on her shoulders and her hands at Bo's waist.

"Ha, oh no I'm getting resigned to being alone. I don't have the best luck in case you hadn't noticed by all the dead bodies and cursed ex-boyfriend," Bo said self-deprecatingly.

"You _will_. And when you do, they're going to be so lucky. My god will they be lucky," Lauren said. Bo was giving her a smouldering look and Lauren cleared her throat, moving away. She knew that she wasn't being fair. It might be easy for her to talk like this, to act all flirtatious, because she would never have to do the work of trying to move on. If Bo's feelings were anywhere near as strong as her own then it would be much harder for her.

She tried to ignore Bo's look of disappointment. She moved away to sit back down on the couch. There were a few things she needed to say, things that she'd always thought there might be time for later. Things she'd tried to say and failed so miserably at.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course," Bo said, settling down beside her. She was gazing at Lauren, making her feel like she was the most important person in the world as usual.

"I'm just really sorry about the way things have played out. I wished I'd done things so differently. When I mentioned mistakes last night I could never have meant you. I just wish I'd been more careful with your feelings. I should have confided in you instead of letting you hear it from someone else – about Nadia I mean. I've been an ass sometimes."

Bo looked like she was considering it, then shook her head. "Don't think like that. I wouldn't change a thing. If you'd told me earlier then maybe we would never have – um, you know. There some are things I wouldn't trade for the world." She laughed nervously and Lauren nodded in agreement, her face flushing.

They sat in silence for a while.

"It hurts like hell to see you two together, you know."

Lauren couldn't look at her for a moment. If only Bo knew how much it hurt Lauren, too. She had tried to be oblivious to Bo's wounded looks and the jealousy that had radiated off of her from time to time. She'd always wanted to reach out to her when she saw her like that, but it was easier for everyone if she pretended that it wasn't happening. "I'm sorry for that, too."

"While we're playing truth or dare here, I want to ask you something. If Nadia wasn't in the picture, what do you think would have happened? I mean – would you consider me to be girlfriend material?" Bo asked.

Her tone was light but Lauren could read her anxiety. The thought that Bo could doubt it was laughable. But then sometimes she forgot how insecure Bo was when it came to relationships, which made sense in light of her lack of experience. Lauren had also often reflected on what it must be like for Bo to be so sexually appealing to almost anyone. It had to be a double edged sword. Her stunning looks and energy were so dominant - it meant that sometimes people never got to know the beautiful heart underneath.

"I meant what I said, anyone would be lucky to be with you," Lauren said. Off the slight look of disappointment on Bo's face, she amended, "_I _would be lucky to be with you. You'd be an amazing partner, Bo. You're one of the kindest and most generous people I've ever met. Of course I'd be with you if I could. If you wanted me to be, too." Lauren knew they were getting into dangerous territory, and her heart was starting to race. But she didn't want it to stop.

"What do you mean, if I wanted to be?" Bo said. The intensity of her eyes had gone up even more, and Lauren was starting to get lost in them.

"Would you? I always felt that if you had your pick, it would be someone more like Dyson. I know he's off the menu right now, but I'd always be your second choice, wouldn't I? You'd much rather be with someone fae, someone you didn't have to hold yourself back for." It was what she'd always assumed and had never said out loud. There was a definite liberation in knowing that what she said tonight was of little consequence now. It was over between them no matter what happened.

"That's not fair. I never had that choice. If you'd been freed like I was trying to do, we would've . . . look there are a million 'what ifs' we could talk about. But if you think I haven't been serious about you, then you really have no idea," Bo said passionately, working her way up to being angry. "How could you even talk like that? Do you know how much you've broken my heart, more than once?"

"It hasn't been easy for me either. If you only knew how much I wish things were different," Lauren said, breaking eye contact. She'd felt numb all afternoon, running on adreneline, but she was beginning to feel herself break now. She sighed.

She could feel Bo watching her, and then Bo's hand was tenderly brushing against her hand and forearm. She caught Bo's hand with her own – she knew she shouldn't confuse things but she rubbed her fingers over the back of it, taking Bo's hand between her two own. She stared down at it, and then traced her fingers over Bo's wrist.

Finally she gained the courage to look at Bo again.

"Well while we're being honest, you know what I've never told you? The energy coming off you is distracting. It's very _very_ high sometimes. Like right now," she said.

Lauren rolled her eyes. She pulled back her hand and swallowed hard, trying to pull herself together. She rubbed her palm over her jeans. "Jesus, I'm glad I won't remember that tomorrow. That's embarrasing."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about. And you've got it all wrong. I'd take having to _hold back_ any day with you. I loved having sex with you, you must know that," Bo said, looking at her Lauren's face and no doubt enjoying her reaction. Lauren was practically squirming in her seat at Bo's words.

Bo leaned forward and moved to kiss her, but Lauren shrank back.

"Bo – this isn't a good idea . . ." she said, her voice shaking.

Bo came closer to her, and Lauren froze as Bo slid up against her and then moved until she was straddling Lauren on the couch. Lauren's breath had quickened. She knew she should push Bo away but she didn't know if she had the strength. Bo tasted Lauren's lips, her mouth soft and sensual against her. Lauren was already tingling all over.

"This is just going to make it harder. Stop it," Lauren whispered, having tried to not respond to the kiss, her lips remaining still. Bo had been rocking against her in a most delicious way, and now she ceased her movement. Lauren could see the wounded expression in her eyes, one she was becoming all too familiar with.

"I'm sorry – I just thought . . ." Bo said.

Lauren pulled Bo close to her, holding her comfortingly. "No, I'm sorry. I know I send you mixed signals. I want to, you have no idea how much."

"I'm not going to try to convince you. I just wanted to feel it with you again, one last time," Bo said into her ear, her closeness sending shivers down Lauren's spine.

Bo kissed her cheek and then rested her head against her. Although she might mean for it to be chaste, it sent something through Lauren. Involuntarily she grasped Bo's hips, her fingers biting into the softness she found there. She tried not to think about Nadia waiting at home for her. Part of her knew that this was always going to happen - and truth to be told she no longer had any desire to resist.

Bo's breath hitched at the feeling of Lauren grabbing her, and she moved against her once, agonizingly slowly. She drew back a little to look at Lauren, and Lauren bit her lip. Bo's breasts were almost at eye level and she stared at Bo's cleavage. She pulled Bo downwards and could feel Bo's hot breath on her lips, Bo panting hard and fast. And then it was happening. Bo kissed her hungrily, their mouths opening to one another's instantly. Lauren moaned into her, white light behind her eyes. Their hands were in each other's hair, and Lauren thought she might cry with the sweetness of it. This was what she'd been missing.

"Come to bed with me?" Bo urged.

"_Yes_."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thanks again for your reviews and yes I'm sorry I left it there . . . no I'm not ;) Kicking this up to M for obvious reasons.  
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**Chapter Seven**

The first time they made love they didn't quite make it to the bedroom. Having torn the clothes from one another's bodies as they went, they wound up on the floor somewhere close to the doorway. Their bodies had become steadily more entangled as they moved until they had been on their knees together kissing forcefully and pushing against one another, trying to get their fill.

The thought went through Lauren's mind that it had always been like this between them; always so desperate that it were never enough. It felt like she was always pining after Bo to the point where touching felt like a miracle, like she were a piece of kindling ready to burst into flame. She couldn't imagine what it would feel like to have Bo enough that she could even begin to get used to it. But it seemed highly likely that they could do this a thousand times and it would be no different – it could never be routine.

Now Bo lay on top of Lauren thrusting into her, taking everything that she had been wanting so much after weeks of being denied. She pressed one hand down against Lauren's shoulder to brace herself and ground against one of Lauren's parted thighs, almost coming from the pressure and friction between her legs and from watching Lauren's face.

"Did you think about me while you were away?" Bo asked, smiling when Lauren nodded that she had through a moan. She had wondered if Lauren had re-lived their last time together as often as she had done. Bo had thought about it constantly, touching herself to the memory. There was nobody like Lauren – nobody smelled like her, tasted like her, had a body like hers. Nobody made her feel the same sense of connection.

Lauren was overcome with it when she came. Tears escaped her eyes and she tried not to let Bo see - but Bo kissed Lauren all over her face - holding it in her hands while she chased away the tears at the corner of her eyes. For a moment Bo lay half on top of Lauren with her head on her chest. She wondered if she should speak; the moment felt too big for words.

Then impatiently Lauren pushed her back, moving them towards the bed. She sat on its edge and guided Bo to straddle her, gathering Bo's legs around her waist. She pressed her face between Bo's breasts, cupping them with her hands and running her tongue over the tips one at a time. She could feel how wet Bo was as she rocked her hips against her and Lauren didn't wait. There was no time, so she slid her fingers inside, watching Bo's face as she cried out. She started a steady rhythm and Bo put her hands around Lauren's neck, moving along with Lauren's thrusts.

They were looking into one another's eyes, connected by their gaze as intimately as they were by touch.

"I love you, Lauren," Bo said softly barely able to speak.

Lauren's hand stilled for a moment as she looked at Bo in shock. She had just been thinking the words, but never imagined that she would hear them from Bo's mouth.

"I love you too."

She kissed Bo urgently, then buried her head against Bo's neck. It was such a relief to finally say it aloud. All of this time she'd told herself that Bo didn't feel the same way and that she would make a fool of herself if she ever said it, the words bound to go unreturned. The two times they'd made love - and many times in between - they had been on the tip of her tongue and she'd bit them back.

"Please don't stop," Bo said, a slight sad smile touching the corner of her lips. When Lauren resumed her movement Bo dropped her head and started biting softly at Lauren's shoulder.

"Kiss me," Lauren whispered, her hands playing over Bo expertly, drawing out shudders from Bo as she moved her hand.

"I can't, too hungry," Bo explained breathlessly, licking a trail against Lauren's neck, taking Lauren's earlobe between her teeth.

Lauren took the hand she'd been using to hold Bo steady by the waist, and took Bo's face in her palm.

"Then feed from me," Lauren said. It might have sounded corny, it might have sounded like she were a girl in a vampire movie, but right now she didn't care one bit. Bo looked hungrily at her but shook her head, her eyes unfocussed with desire.

"Come on. I know you can do it without hurting me, just take it," she prompted. It had always made her blindingly jealous to think of Bo feeding no matter how much she acted matter-of-fact about it. She knew that she herself couldn't be enough to sustain Bo, but she at least wanted Bo to taste her, to give her that part of herself.

"I know I can do it now, but I don't know Lauren . . .you're not just about that to me," Bo hesitated.

"I know that, but I've always wanted you too. I want to know how it feels."

That was enough for Bo at last and she practically leapt forward to kiss Lauren. Lauren felt a pulling, a tugging at her centre as Bo started to feed. Pleasure spread through her beyond anything she could have imagined. Bo broke away abruptly, putting a hand over Lauren's mouth then a hand over her own. Lauren turned them around, pushing Bo onto the bed. She lay behind Bo take her from behind. They didn't need to talk about it for her to know that Bo couldn't take their mouths being close, not now that she'd begun to feed.

Lauren felt a tiredness in her limbs, but it didn't feel bad. She slid her hand more slowly into Bo, using her thumb to tease at her clit, and grasped at a breast with other hand. She kissed the arch of Bo's shoulders and spine, while Bo thrust back against her. Then Bo was clenching around her hand when she came, calling out her name.

Lauren lay down next to Bo and Bo propped herself up on her elbow. Lauren thought Bo was going to kiss her, but instead she felt a strange sensation as Bo blew chi back into her mouth. She could literally feel the energy entering her body. Bo stroked the sides of her face.

"You didn't have to do that, I'm okay really," Lauren said. She felt almost shy, smiling up at Bo.

"Did you mean it? You didn't just say it because I said it first, or because you're leaving or anything?" Bo was drawing her fingers over Lauren's breasts and stomach now, looking down at her seriously.

"No . . . you must have known how much I feel for you," Lauren said.

"I hoped. I didn't know," Bo replied. Maybe she wanted to ask how she could have known with Nadia in the picture, but the time for talking about Nadia had passed. Now she just wanted to pretend that there were only the two of them, there was only this.

Lauren looked up at her, gasping. Bo was reaching between her legs, already touching her again. She moaned as she was stroked softly, all of her nerve endings seeming to bunch in one place.

"God, you're so beautiful," Bo told her, and then began kissing her way along Lauren's stomach muscles, and further down. Bo parted her thighs, putting one of Lauren's legs over her shoulder as she started licking at the centre of her.

When they were finally spent, Lauren cradled Bo in her arms. Bo was lying with her head on Lauren's chest. "It terrifies me to think of all the trouble you're going to get yourself into, when I'm not here."

"When have you ever been able to stop me?" Bo pointed out.

"That's true," Lauren agreed. "But I wouldn't have you any other way. They lay in silence for a while, neither of them sure what to say. She would give anything to be able to curl into Bo and to have them drift off together.

"It's late, I should shower. It's nearly time for me to go." She kissed Bo's forehead, and tried not to cry. If she could she would make love to her again – she'd lost count of how many times they had brought one another to orgasm and still it didn't seem like enough. Her body felt sore and tired, and her heart felt sick.

Bo followed her into the bathroom, and they held one another underneath the water. Bo dried off her skin, tenderly wrapping the towel around her, and then she dressed while Bo watched her.

"I don't know how to say goodbye to you," Bo said, her voice choked. She was frowning, her expression desperate.

Lauren took Bo's face in her hands. "Just remember, somewhere inside of me, there's a part they can't take away. You've meant so much to me Bo. I don't believe that could just disappear."

Bo was staring at her, and Lauren could see that she had begun to shake. They both were. "Do you really want this, Lauren?"

"Of course I don't," Lauren said.

"I mean, do you really want me to ignore you if I see you again? Just tell me one more time, and I won't ask you again."

"What are you saying?" Lauren said, a shred of hope starting to nose its way into her consciousness.

"I'm saying Lauren, that if you tell me you want me to fight for you I will," Bo said.

An icy cold feeling of dread and panic had descended over Lauren. It had always been there, she'd just been good at ignoring it, especially for the past couple of hours. She knew with absolute certainty that she'd made a mistake. She hadn't even tried to see if Lochlyn would grant freedom to Nadia and let her stay, and that now struck her as the biggest error of her life. It would have been hard for Nadia to hear, but it was what she wanted.

Maybe it was crazy, and she was a fool for wanting to stay in a world that she didn't belong in – but it felt like there was no turning back for her now. She didn't want to leave, and most of all she didn't want to leave Bo.

She had started to let go of Nadia a long time ago, and had been staying out of guilt. In her trying so desperately to do the right thing, she'd done exactly the wrong thing. It wasn't honest, it wasn't true to her heart, and it wasn't even fair to Nadia. She might not remember it but it would always be a lie.

"Yes," Lauren said. "I can't undo it now, it's too late. I have to go there, I have to submit to it. But if you can find a way, please help me. I want to stay in this world, I want to be with you. I swear on everything I am, I want to come back here. This was a horrible mistake, I knew it even when I was agreeing to it. I wish I'd come and talked to you first like you said."

Bo clutched at her hands. "I swear Lauren, I'm going to fix this. No matter how long it takes, this is not going to stick."

"Promise me you'll be safe. Don't risk yourself for me in any way," Lauren said, and Bo swore that she would.

They kissed once more, desperately, and then Lauren left feeling like her heart was breaking in her chest.

On her way home she felt like she were trying to relive every moment from when she'd met Bo until the last half an hour.

_The first time she'd seen Bo, the shock of instant sexual attraction when she'd felt like that part of her was dead. Finding any excuse to see one another, to touch and pretend it was innocent. The first time they'd made love, when she'd never experienced anything like it. The sadness when Bo was angry with her, the utter desolation of seeing her with Dyson. Those days when she'd been hiding from the Ash. The simple pleasures of domesticity, Bo making her breakfast and the two of them drinking coffee while they watched TV. Bo's hands all over her and inside her. And tonight - Bo saying that she loved her._

Lauren walked back into their apartment. Nadia sprang up from the sofa, where she'd been waiting. "I was worried you weren't coming back, they'll be here any minute."

All of the way over, she'd felt like she a dead man walking. But the seed of hope had been planted in her and she clung to it. She knew how tenacious Bo could be, and how fearless. If anyone was able to help it would be her.

Seeing Nadia again only confirmed the way she'd been feeling. When she looked at Nadia she saw a face that she loved, but not the person that she was in love with. She could not bring herself to go to Nadia and kiss her, so she stood rooted to the spot while Nadia stared at her. Nadia deserved better than this; she should be with someone who could feel something more for her than a sense of responsibility.

She jumped at the sound of the knock on the door. Wearily she let them in, the Mnemosyne and her Handmiadens trailing behind her. She and Nadia were led to the bedroom to lie next to one another while they crowded around the bed. She looked over at Nadia and kissed her once on the forehead, blind terror gripping her.

"Go to sleep," was said, and dust was sprinkled over each of their faces. The last thing she felt was Nadia clutching her hand, and then she lost consciousness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Kenzi walked into the crack shack, throwing her suitcase onto the floor. The place was as clean as she'd seen in for a long time; she guessed that without her around there was nobody to leave their dirty clothes or pizza crusts lying around.

"Honey, I'm home . . ." she shouted. "Get yo' leather clad ass out here."

She squealed as Bo ran out of her room and almost knocked her over with the force of her hug. "Whoa, you're _really_ happy to see me, I should go away more often." She gasped for air – Bo still hadn't got a handle on knowing her own strength yet. She patted Bo's back half-heartedly. "Seriously babes, I'm happy to see you too, but release me."

"I'm so glad you're back," Bo said, finally letting her go.

"Bo, what's wrong?" Kenzi asked when she saw the look on Bo's face. She looked like a woman who'd crawled out of the desert and just found water. Something was most definitely up - they might be close and all but this definitely wasn't about missing her. Judging by the look on Bo's face there had been a heart breakage of some kind.

"Tell me about your trip, let me live vicariously through you," Bo said, ignoring the question.

"We can talk about my time as a travelling groupie later. Sit down and tell me what's wrong."

Kenzi sat and listened to the whole story, which took a considerable about of time because first there was Bo's difficulty with getting her words out and then there was some crying. And then there was a lot of time during which Kenzi could not understand what on earth had happened because it was so crazy.

"Okay, so if this happened a couple of weeks ago then I'm guessing you've already done some investigating without me, right? And the reason you didn't tell me any of this over the phone? I should have known what was up, I thought you sounded spookily drama-free," Kenzi said sarcastically. In fact, she'd been a little miffed at how much Bo seemed to be avoiding her calls.

"I knew you'd probably come back early if I did, and I wasn't about to be that selfish. And of course I have. I went to see Trick and I went to see The Ash as well. Who believe me, was pissed off that I was getting involved. There's some other stuff he wants me to be paying attention to right now," Bo said.

"So is there anything you can do?"

Bo nodded anxiously, frowning. "Okay, so basically they told me it's reversible and that I had to talk to this Ma-sem-aney thing to find out how. I went to see The Handmaidens and they said that only the person who consented to the wipe can ask for it to be changed back. And it must be of her own free will."

"So we go find Lauren and you tell her what's happened. What's the problem?"

Bo lightly slapped Kenzi on the back of the head, as affectionately as one can give a slap. "_Because. _Think about it. Remember about how you reacted when you first saw me suck the life out of that guy in the elevator? Lauren's like a regular human again. She's not going to believe me if I just walk up to her and say hey, you've had your memory wiped by a mythological creature, wanna have it back? She doesn't know who I am. She'd just write me off as crazy."

"Oooooh," Kenzi said.

"Yeah. Typical fae bullshit. They've built in this stupid reverse clause that nobody can ever solve, just to show how _clever _they are," Bo said, resting her fist on the side of her head.

"Can't you succubus her into asking for it or something?"

"Ha. Don't think I didn't consider it, but I think it's a little beyond me. I might be able to get our pizza for free but somehow I think the Handmaidens would be a little more complicated to get around. Free will remember?"

"So you gain her trust, talk her into it somehow?"

Bo shrugged. "See above re: looking like a crazy person. I can't just go to her house and introduce myself. I don't know where she works now. And believe me I called every hospital and medical practice in town looking for a Dr Lewis, but nothing. And Dyson has been no help, I asked for him to use his resources and he refused and told me to move on. By the time I pulled my shit together enough to go to her house and try to follow her, I never saw her once. I followed Nadia a couple of times but it didn't lead me to her. It's eating me up Kenz – she was counting on me. She asked me to help her. What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Are you sure about all of this Bo? If she agreed to it in the first place maybe she just got the jitters at the end, got scared or whatever. Cold feet. Maybe if she wanted to get lost to the fae world you should just let her stay lost," Kenzi said as gently as she knew how.

Bo was staring at the carpet. She'd heard variations of that question from Trick and Dyson too. When she looked back at Kenzi there were tears in her eyes. "I get what you're saying but it's not true. You should've seen her Kenzi, she didn't want this. She was terrified. This isn't just about me wanting to be with her, I want to help her."

"Okay Bo-Bo. We'll work this out," Kenzi said, putting her arms around Bo.

Bo grew even more despondent over the next few weeks; she felt like all she was doing was walking around the city searching every face. She'd tried any contacts she'd made in the fae world but naturally none of them were very interested in helping her find a human, especially when there was nothing in it for them. It had been a month since that night and her sense of urgency hadn't dwindled one bit. She didn't know how she could live with herself if she just let it go. She kept telling herself that the answer would turn up eventually but she was beginning to lose hope.

And then one morning, lightning struck.

She and Kenzi had been sitting in a diner eating breakfast after pulling an all nighter for a case they'd been working on. Kenzi had been trying to get her to take more of an interest in the business, hoping that it would be a good distraction.

"I don't know where you put all that shit, seriously, you've got hollow legs," Bo teased Kenzi, who was tucking into her second cheeseburger.

"I'm hungry for these burgers like you're hungry for having sex with anything that's not a hole in the ground or a wooden pole, so just let me enjoy it," Kenzi retorted.

They both jumped when they realized they were being eavesdropped on by someone in the next booth, who had apparently spat out a mouthful of coffee when they began laughing. The way the booths were positioned meant the person was sitting back to back with Bo, and Kenzi could see the back of her head.

Kenzi raised her voice sarcastically. "Oh I know we're hilarious, would you like me to talk louder so you can enjoy our humorous banter a little more easily?"

"I'm sorry," she said over her shoulder. "You're quite the double act."

Bo's eyes had widened as she heard the sound of the voice, and Kenzi froze at the sight of her profile. "Glad . . . you enjoyed it," Kenzi said stiltingly. Bo was staring at her with a dazed expression and Kenzi started kicking her under the table.

"It's her," Kenzi whispered, as if Bo could have somehow missed it.

With a dry mouth, Bo turned around and laid her arm on the back of the booth. "Hey," she said breathlessly. And when the woman turned around, it was Lauren. Bo stared at her face for a moment, flooded with adrenaline. She thought she was going to cry for a moment. She'd missed that face so much – her hooded brown eyes, that dimple in her chin, the faintly amused little smile. Lauren had her eyebrows raised and Bo didn't miss the slightly appraising once-over Lauren was giving her.

"Hi," Lauren said.

"How are you?" Bo said nervously, inwardly kicking herself. Now that she was staring her right in the face - now that she had her big chance - she had no idea what to say. It was the strangest feeling. Lauren was looking at her in the way you looked at someone you'd just met, something that she never would have been able to put her finger on if she wasn't looking right at it. Against all reason she kept waiting for a flicker of recognition to come into Lauren's eyes, but it never did.

"I'm well, thank you. I'll let you ladies get back to your meal," Lauren said, nodding towards Kenzi. She looked slightly puzzled by Bo's intensity but maybe she'd written her off as a weirdo or as drunk. She turned back to her table and Bo heard the rustling of a newspaper. Long seconds went by and she heard Lauren thank the waitress for the refill on her coffee.

Kenzi was motioning madly towards the table. "What are you frickin doing, go and talk to her," she whispered.

They were huddled over the table leaning in towards one another. "Can't you steal her wallet or something? It might help us find something out, maybe a work ID or whatever?"

Kenzi narrowed her eyes, considering it. "Maybe. But go talk to her first."

With her heart thudding in her chest, Bo got up and walked around the booth, sliding into the seat across from Lauren. Lauren looked up at her in surprise and Bo watched as her hand froze, holding her cup of coffee in mid-air.

"Hi, I'm Bo," she said, gazing at Lauren and then trying to pull back on the desperation. She didn't want to scare her off. Should she reach across the table and touch her hand? She quickly decided against it. It was wrong to use her powers; and she didn't want to give The Handmaidens any reason to deny them if she ever worked all of this out.

"Lauren," she said, smiling a little. Bo's eyes flicked to the side as she saw movement and she tried to keep her eyes focussed on Lauren's face. Kenzi's hand had reached over and was clearly aimed at Lauren's purse.

"So, what do you do with yourself, Lauren?" Bo said, leaning forward. _You have more than enough charms, all on your own._

"Listen, I'm sorry, but I should really get to work," Lauren said, not unkindly.

"Wait!" Bo said, overcome with panic. Kenzi had taken something and was slipping the purse back into Lauren's bag. She didn't know how successful Kenzi had been, and didn't want to count on it. "I mean – I'm sorry to keep you. But I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner or something?" she asked.

"I'm flattered," Bo watched with pleasure as Lauren's eyes flicked over her meaningfully. "I mean, _very_ flattered. But I'm not dating right now."

"Oh, are you taken?" Bo said. Of course she already knew the answer, but it was the only way she could think of to stall her. To her great shock, Lauren shook her head.

"Nope, I'm not," she hesitated as though unsure of how much to share with a stranger. "I got out of a long-term relationship recently, that's all."

Bo's heart was doing cartwheels. So she'd broken up with Nadia! "That's a shame. You sure I can't convince you?"

Lauren smiled at her and shook her head. Bo jumped out of her seat. "Please just wait here one second." She ran over to a waitress and begged for a pen and a piece of paper from her notepad. She returned to sit across from Lauren, who was eyeing her with amusement. "If you change your mind, or if you just want a friend, call me," Bo said eagerly as she scrawled down her number.

"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind. I'll see you round, Bo," Lauren said. They held eye contact for a few moments. Bo flushed with pleasure to see that Lauren was definitely, definitely interested even if she were holding back. Her energy told the story – but then Lauren turned to go. Bo sank back against the seat of the booth. She jumped as Kenzi tapped her on the shoulder.

"Gots us an ID. Her home address is different right? She must have moved," Kenzi said.

"Well if she and Nadia broke up, that explains that," Bo mused, then quickly rose from her seat. "Shit, what are we doing, let's follow her to work."

They followed along far behind Lauren, Bo anxiously watching the blond head of hair ahead of them and determined to not lose her.

"God I felt like such an idiot back there, I didn't know what to say," Bo said distractedly, biting her thumb nail.

"Um yeah, you know I love you Bo but for a sex monster you need to work on your come-on techniques," Kenzi said.

Bo bumped Kenzi with her shoulder. "Shut up, I just froze that's all . . . was I really that bad?"

"You came across kind of psycho desperate. I don't think she's going to be calling you."

"I _am_ kind of psycho desperate. Hey look, that must be her work," Bo said excitedly as Lauren walked into a medical practice. "I don't get it, I'm sure I called this one. I don't see how I could have missed it."

"Did you call a few weeks ago? Maybe she just started here?" Kenzi shrugged. "Oh well, are you going to get in there and play doctors with her? Tell her you need a _really_ thorough breast exam."

Bo had started pacing back and forth. She felt a little more relaxed now that they had an address and a workplace for her. She felt better now that she'd simply laid eyes on her, and knew that Lauren was still occupying the same corner of the world as she was. Before now she had been beginning to feel like her search had all the usefulness of looking for a needle in a haystack.

All of this time she'd fantasised that she when she saw Lauren she'd befriend her, then find a way to gain her trust and then talk her around. She had never been the most details oriented person, and that struck her painfully now. It was now obvious that she'd skipped quite a few important steps in her mind. It made it easier that Nadia wasn't in the picture; but Lauren wasn't the type to just start hanging out with a stranger. She was cautious, reserved. Bo hadn't factored that fact into her plans enough.

"What? I can't just go in there and meet her as a patient. She'll think I'm stalking her. Plus professional boundaries, I'll never get to her that way," Bo said.

Kenzi scoffed. "Are you kidding me? That's how you met her last time! She had no problem working her way into your pants while she was supposed to being professional back then."

"Hey!" Bo frowned at her. "That was different. You know I was never her patient in the old-fashioned sense, she wasn't even supposed to be helping me." She paced back and forth a little more. _Have a plan, try to think like Lauren._ "I need to get a job there, it's the only way."

"Sounds easy. Maybe you can dress up like a sexy nurse and sneak in," Kenzi said sarcastically, but Bo ignored her.

"Do me a favor, go home and start falsifying a resume for me. Put lots of medical reception work in there. I'm going to hang around and watch the place. By the end of the day, someone's going to quit their job," she announced.


	9. Chapter 9

_**I have to say - and please don't take this the wrong way because I'm not a cruel person who likes to see people cry – but reading comments about people being moved to tears is the highest compliment I could have ever gotten. Thanks so much for the reviews and keep em coming.**_

**Chapter Nine**

"What do you think?" Bo said, using her palms to smooth out the pencil skirt and then the silk blouse she'd bought for her first day. She'd been surveying herself in the mirror, and had changed outfits at least three times. She wanted to look good enough to turn Lauren's head.

"I think Lauren must be a really good lady lover if you're going to all of this effort. That's what _I_ think," Kenzi said without looking up at her. She was lying behind Bo on the bed, filing her nails.

Bo turned and stared at Kenzi with her hands on her hips, and Kenzi paused in her grooming under Bo's disapproving glance. "What?"

"I know you were never her biggest fan, but this is really important to me. I have to get this right, so tell me . . . do I need to change?" Bo asked, swirling around to look at herself in the mirror again.

"No, the twins look just fine. And hey, I was just kidding. I know this is serious. You go get her," Kenzi encouraged.

Bo couldn't quite believe that it had all fallen into place, not that failing were an option. She'd used her powers to convince the older guy on the desk that he simply had to march in and quit right that minute. She'd whispered to him that he wasn't appreciated where he was and convinced him that he should go and follow his dreams (whatever they might be). Of course she had let him think that he was going to be able to sleep with her if he did that. She'd felt guilty about it for about five minutes – knowing that he was sure to regret it as soon as he got outside - but it was easy to justify it when it was for the greater good.

Then there had been a few anxious days of looking out for the want ads, hoping that the old guy hadn't succeeded in begging for his job back. A few days later the advertisement was right there in black and white. The interview hadn't been too difficult to bluff and flirt her way through, and now she was about to go and start her first day. She had never been so nervous in her life. There was too much riding on it, and she knew that it would be near impossible to come up with a 'Plan B' if she were to be fired on her first day.

The manager Toby greeted her in the morning, undressing her with his beady little eyes. His perviness had certainly come in handy at the interview. Toby offered to introduce her around to the other staff before they opened and the first patients were due to come in.

When he led her towards the consulting rooms she felt a surge of anticipation that was almost unbearable. It had been impossible to get Lauren out of her mind after seeing her that morning, not that she had ever succeeded in doing so in the first place. But it had been difficult to not go to her place or to barge right in while Lauren were at work. This whole scheme required the kind of patience that she had never possessed.

She smiled her way through introductions to two of the doctors and a nurse. Bo was holding her breath, hoping that she hadn't been mistaken somehow; that Lauren hadn't just been filling in for someone that day or had already left the role.

"And this is Dr Lewis. She's new with us, just started a couple of weeks back," Toby said brightly as they stood in the doorway of one of the offices. "Dr Lewis, this is our new receptionist Bo Dennis."

Lauren was sitting at her desk with a mug of coffee, and Bo took in her profile as she turned towards the door. Bo watched the look of recognition and then the bemused smile that flickered across her face. Bo did her best to look embarrassed, wanting to appear modest and not as aggressive as she must have already seemed.

Again it felt like her heart couldn't take the sight of Lauren just looking at her and not knowing who she was. It was overshadowed by the flooding relief of just seeing her again. Safe and sound and looking utterly beautiful. Bo wanted to walk over and hug her close and never let her go; but seeing as she had to settle for looking and not touching right now she tried to take it all in.

"Hi Bo. And you can call me Lauren, Dr Lewis is my mother," Lauren said dryly.

"Nice to meet you," Bo said politely, unable to keep the smile from her face. "Your mother is a doctor too?" she stammered nervously.

Lauren grinned back at her. "No, I'm sorry, just trying to be funny. It's nice to meet you too."

"Oh." Bo laughed. The moment suspended for a moment as they stared at one another. Lauren was looking warmly at her, and she didn't want it to end. Reluctantly she turned to follow Toby back out to the reception area, Lauren waving at her as she left.

As the morning passed she tried to get the hang of the booking system and payment methods. There was a younger girl Casey who was in charge of training her, and Bo got along with her fine even if she were no Kenzi. She had always been good at learning on her feet. She wondered not for the first time what she might have been if she wasn't always running. Bar work was an incredibly portable profession where nobody cared who you were; it was the reason she'd never done anything else for money. At least not before she met Kenzi.

The most difficult part of the job was pretending to not stare every time Lauren came out of her office to call in a new patient. It wasn't easy to pretend that she didn't even know the person she'd been so intimate with. It was a strange feeling to know that she had seen Lauren naked, and at this point in time Lauren didn't even know it. Come to think of it, knowing what Lauren looked like under her clothes could never be a bad thing.

It was a busy practice and although she looked for opportunities to get Lauren by herself, there never came a time when Lauren wasn't with a patient or sitting in her office with the door closed. Bo kept having to remind herself of what situation they were in; because it even stung a little bit how polite Lauren was being. It was so irrational, but she felt like she were being ignored.

Days passed without her getting her chance. Each evening she went home exhausted with the emotional effort it took to pretend that she weren't blindingly in love.

Towards the end of her second week she finally managed to do it. Casey usually locked the building at night but Bo convinced her that she didn't mind staying to close up, seeing as Casey wanted to leave a little early. Just as she suspected Lauren stayed back later than the other doctors; obviously her obsessive quality when it came to work was an enduring trait. Bo locked up the file cabinets and switched off the computers with a racing heart – chances like this weren't going to be easy to come by and she had to make the most of them.

She adjusted her clothes, pushing up the girls for good luck and pulling out her compact to make sure her hair looked okay. She reflected that Lauren had always pulled these school-girly tendencies out of her.

Knocking on Lauren's door, she heard the muffled voice tell her to open it. When she did she observed Lauren's face and noticed the way Lauren's eyes trailed up her stockinged legs and then quickly up to her face. She had caught a few looks like that from Lauren and savoured every one, hoping that it would build into something more.

"Hi, I'm going to lock up, are you staying around or should we set the alarm?"

Lauren pushed back her hair and looked at her watch. "Oh wow, I didn't realize how late it was. No, you go. I'm going to stay back for a while and finish this up."

"Okay," Bo said. She couldn't help it, and found herself melting into a smile that may not have appeared all that professional. Lauren was wearing a shirt she could remember from before, one that looked exceedingly good on her. Lauren smiled back at her self-consciously, visibly swallowing nervously.

"Um, I wanted to talk you actually," Bo fumbled. "I wanted to say I'm sorry we didn't exactly start on the most professional of terms. I was so embarrassed when I realised where I'd seen you before."

Lauren shook her head, her eyes a little wide. "Oh no, don't worry about it."

"I hope you don't think I just go around trying to pick up women I don't know. I hadn't slept at all and maybe my judgement wasn't the greatest," Bo explained.

"Oh come on now, if a beautiful woman wants to ask me out before I've even finished my morning coffee, I'm not going to complain." Lauren said jokingly. "It's okay really, just forget about it."

Bo couldn't squash the leap her heart performed at the word _beautiful. _She knew Lauren was just fooling around in her self-deprecating way, but she still loved the way that sounded. "Okay, thanks. That's really nice of you." A beat, in which she told herself that she had to pull away before Lauren started thinking she were strange. Finally she turned to go.

"Hey . . ."

Bo stopped midway through closing the door, her hand resting on the knob.

"Would you like to get some dinner or something? I don't really need to stay. I mean . . . just as like . . ." Lauren blurted out.

"As co-workers?" Bo finished for her. "I'd love to."

They went to a diner close to the surgery, walking together in companionable silence. Bo wasn't sure what had caused Lauren's change of heart but she was grateful for it. She found that she had no idea what to bring up for conversation – it was becoming obvious to her how little she really knew about Lauren's life. It struck her that right up until that last night they had always kept one another at arm's length. Too many secrets.

As they settled into their meals they joked around a little, made small talk.

"So I hope you don't mind my asking about it, but you said that you just got out of a long-term relationship?" Bo asked once they'd run through some of the safer topics. They'd ordered a couple of beers, and she could no longer keep the question to herself. It had been on the tip of her tongue for the last half an hour.

"Oh, yeah," Lauren said, looking down and shrugging. "We'd been together for a long time. Ten years."

"That is a long time. I'm sorry," Bo said, and found that she actually meant it. "What happened?"

"We grew apart," she said, and there was a silence where Bo feared that she was going to change the subject, leave it at that cliché that told her nothing - but she didn't.

"We went to Africa together actually, so I could work. Turned out we fought a lot when we got there, things just went bad fast I guess. I think she was actually considering leaving me, but then she got sick. She was . . . in a coma for a long time. For years," Lauren was picking at the label of her beer.

"Jesus, that's awful. And so you brought her back here?" Bo said, encouraging her to go on.

"No. We moved her to a medical facility in Europe, the best I could afford, and I got some work there. I pretty much just worked and waited. I wasn't in the best place I guess . . . there were times I thought she'd never wake up. But then one day she did, and she was okay. It was like a miracle. We decided to move here to another new city to try to start afresh. But she felt like she'd already wasted so much time, and in my heart I guess I'd already moved on. So we parted ways not long after we got here. I took a little time out and then started looking for a job. Didn't seem like much point going anywhere else, and Nadia went back to her mom's. And . . . now you know my whole life story I guess," Lauren said sheepishly.

Bo put her hand on top of Lauren's. "It sounds like it's been really rough."

She was trying to work it all out in her mind. The Handmaidens obviously hadn't planted the types of memories they had been asked to. Having Nadia and Lauren supposedly living overseas by themselves for all of that time meant that nobody else but the two of them would know what happened between them, and there were advantages to that. But then what was the point of working out the details of all those implanted memories, if they weren't even going to use them?

She hated the Handmaidens for putting such ugly recollections in Lauren's brain, for leaving her with years worth of loneliness and heartache that might be even worse than what she had already suffered in her real life. It made her more determined than ever to give her back her real memories.

Their hands rested there for a moment, and then Lauren moved hers away. Bo looked at Lauren's long fingers – she knew what those fingers were capable of. She took a swig of her drink and tried to focus.

"And what about you?" Lauren said, trying to lighten the tone. "What's this I hear about you and wooden poles?"

Bo covered her face. "Ugh, Kenzi and her big mouth!" Lauren was looking at her with a lopsided grin. "I really don't have anything to tell you, I'm not that interesting."

Lauren raised her eyebrows, leaning forward in her seat, her eyes flicking down over Bo. "Somehow, I _truly_ doubt that."

Bo smiled to herself and looked down at her beer, pleasure spreading through her at Lauren's flirtatious comment. She was trying to think of the right response - wondering if she might be able to get Lauren to come out for another drink afterwards - but then she caught Lauren's face turning serious again as though in regret.

Lauren looked at her watch. "Wow, I should get going. Thanks for keeping me company."

"You're welcome," Bo said.

Bo managed to keep it together for as long as it took for them to pay the cheque and to walk outside, saying awkward goodbyes. But when Lauren walked away, and she felt again the distance of being acquaintances between them again she let herself crumble, just a little.


	10. Chapter 10

_**I love you guys. Your reviews are really sweet and they make my day when I read them and make me try to do better so I don't let you down. Thank you.**_

_**Also I just went to see J Edgar and I saw a preview for this movie called The Vow – looks like it's about a couple who has to fall in love all over again because this woman can't remember five years of her life. I just want to assure you this is a co-incidence and that this story is not inspired by a crappy Channing Tatum movie ;)**_

**Chapter Ten**

It took three agonisingly long weeks until she finally had Lauren where she wanted her to be again. Lauren's polite and professional distance had sprung up between them immediately, as though they had never had that conversation about Nadia. It was almost enough to break Bo's heart all over again, but she kept telling herself that she had to be patient and work on chipping away at that cold exterior. It had always fooled people like Kenzi, but she had been able to see through it from the beginning.

Lauren was the kind of person who burned brighter than other people but kept it hidden, so you were lucky if you were the one who got to see it.

Bo gathered that Lauren had decided that she didn't want to see Bo outside of work, and so she resisted asking her to go anywhere. But now they were in a bar, only unfortunately they weren't alone. They were joined by Casey, Toby, and a couple of other doctors from the clinic. Toby had suggested after-work drinks for the whole team and Bo had been ecstatic when she'd realised Lauren were coming.

She sat on the edge of her seat, praying that each round of drinks they bought wouldn't be the one after which Lauren announced that she were going to go home. They were separated by a couple of people and Bo kept looking for an opening to go and sit next to her. When she returned from the bathroom and saw an empty seat she pounced, unfortunately placing herself between Lauren and Toby. He had been making clumsy passes at her all night and she kept seeing sympathetic eyes directed her way from the others, including Lauren. When she sat down next to Lauren she could feel Lauren's awareness of her, and noticed Lauren's eyes dart towards her and then away.

When he went up to the bar she leaned towards Lauren. "Do you think I should remind him of the sexual harassment policies he's supposed to be in charge of enforcing?" Bo joked.

On the outside she was trying to be confident and light; on the inside she was practically trembling with it. The feeling of being so close to Lauren. Images from their last true night together kept floating through her mind and coupled with Lauren's proximity to her right now, she felt downright intoxicated. Not to mention the fact that she had been pounding back the beer since they'd arrived in an effort to calm her nerves. At least she wasn't the only one. In overheard conversation she had started to notice a certain looseness in Lauren's tone that only appeared after several shots at The Dal.

Lauren patted her arm reassuringly for a second, and Bo breathed in and out slowly. Lauren had leaned closer to make herself heard over the conversation and music and her breath tickled Bo's ear. "Do you want me to say something to him?"

Bo gazed at her. It had always touched her how protective Lauren was. "Thank you for offering. I'll handle him."

Talking about Toby turned out to be the perfect ice breaker, because now Lauren was asking her about her week and how she'd been settling into her job. Bo subtly pulled her chair closer. As far as she was concerned there was nobody else in the room, and slowly she drew Lauren in until it really felt like it were just the two of them. Everyone else had peeled off into separate conversations.

"You know it would make me a lot better if you'd tell me a bit about yourself. I feel like I spilled everything to you when we had dinner," Lauren said and Bo shook her head in response. Lauren obviously felt embarrassed or exposed or something. And she supposed that she hadn't revealed anything about herself in return, so she could understand.

"I liked hearing about your life," she said honestly, stroking Lauren's knee quickly, taking pleasure in the way Lauren looked down at it, and not as though it were unwelcome. "There's really just not much that I can tell you. I haven't been in many relationships. Just not that good at them I guess." That at least was a fact.

"Oh come on, I don't believe in that. It's just about finding the right fit. And I'm sure that you'd have plenty of choices," Lauren said, pointing over Bo's shoulder and smiling. Bo looked backwards and saw Toby leering at her.

"Wow, thanks. But not really my type," Bo said, widening her eyes at the thought. Even if Lauren weren't around he would be right down the bottom of her list. She could be starving and she wouldn't give him a second look.

"Just kidding. But I _have_ noticed that a lot of people stare at you. You're a very charismatic person. Must be nice to know you can have anyone you want."

"Apparently not _anyone_," Bo said suggestively. "I seem to remember you knocking me back for a date."

"Huh," Lauren said, suddenly finding her drink very interesting.

"I get it," Bo replied. "But if you ever change your mind . . ." she tried to sound teasing, so that Lauren could take it whichever way she wanted to. In reality she was getting hot as the conversation got more intimate - and she felt more free to flirt. She knew she were making Lauren nervous and it was more than a little bit fun.

Lauren hesitated, trying to decide on whether she should say what was on her mind. Dutch courage won out. "You know I haven't been with anyone but Nadia for ten years? Ten years. And for almost half of that time I might as well have been single. I feel like I wouldn't know what to do."

Bo bit her lip. Because she hadn't known about Nadia the first time they'd made love, she hadn't been aware of what that must have felt like for Lauren. That first time had been a little tentative, but she had thought that was mostly because of her. She'd chalked it up to first time jitters, and of course they had to be careful because she wasn't sure how much she could control her powers. Lauren had seemed so sure of herself - had known just how to touch her and how to drive her crazy - it was laughable that she could think that it might otherwise.

"I'm sure you would figure it out. Very fast," Bo said. Lauren laughed nervously, but her eyes were locked on Bo's in a very interesting way. Bo could feel the sexual tension rising between them like a tangible thing growing stronger.

The night wore on, and gradually everyone left until it was just the two of them. Soon the staff were turning on the lights and putting chairs up on tables.

"I should go try to find a cab," Lauren said, getting up from her chair, but she tripped a little as she moved. Bo put out a hand to steady her and let her fingers rest on Lauren's waist.

"If you want you could come stay at my place? We can split a cab. I'm sure I've got a bottle of wine at home. I'm not hitting on you I promise," Bo said, lying only a little bit and not caring that Lauren probably knew it.

"I'm in," Lauren agreed.

Bo woke up with the world's worst hangover. Her head was pounding and she initially had trouble opening her eyes, but she did in a hurry when she remembered who had passed out next to her on the bed. A smile spread across her face. They literally had fallen into bed with their clothes on and she felt like crap, but Lauren was beside her and that was all that mattered.

Bo rolled into her side and watched Lauren as she slept. The urge to reach out and touch her was overwhelming but she tried to content herself with just looking. Lauren's hair was fanned out around her face and Bo watched the delicate lines of her collarbone, the soft skin of her neck. Bo shifted uncomfortably on the bed; feeling the evidence of her own arousal. It had not been so long ago that they'd made love in this bed. Now she could smell Lauren's hair and skin, and that night was all that she could think about.

Bo had opened a bottle of wine as soon as they got in, relieved to find that Kenzi wasn't at home. She was a little drunk and keeping up the fiction of not knowing Lauren would only get harder with her around. They had sat on the couch getting closer and closer, and Bo had started pressing for more details about Nadia and how they'd met. There were things she'd always wanted to ask but couldn't when she had been working on being all respectful and mature.

At one point Lauren had put her head in her hands. "It's beginning to feel weird talking to you so much about this. I don't want to be that annoying person that sits around talking about their ex all of the time."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop," Bo had said, sitting up on her feet to face Lauren. "But you know what I think you need to do? You need to just get back on the horse. So as a friend, I'm going to dare you to kiss me so you can see that it's not so scary."

"Bo!" Lauren said, laughing.

"I'm only trying to help you," Bo said, tongue-in-cheek. "Just a little one?" There was no way she wanted to back down now. Lauren was staring at her lips, glancing between her eyes and mouth.

Suddenly she felt Lauren's strong hands reaching towards her, one on her face and one on her shoulder pulling her forward. Lauren paused for a moment, long enough for Bo to see that Lauren's eyes were heavy-lidded with desire.

It was like time had folded and they were back to where they had been before all of this happened. Back to when Lauren had made Bo feel like she were the most desirable, most important person Lauren knew. She stared back at Lauren, drunk all over again with the anticipation of it.

Lauren closed the space between them and touched her lips to Bo's, moving them against her and stroking her shoulder. Lauren grazed Bo's bottom lip with her teeth and Bo felt tingles everywhere, as she struggled for control against the feel of Lauren's soft wet mouth. When Lauren pulled away they were both reaching for breath, their foreheads leaning against one another's.

"There. Let it never be said I back out of a dare," Lauren said, raising her eyebrows. She pulled away and reached for her wine glass.

Lauren was beginning to stir, and Bo closed her eyes again needing a moment to pull herself together. She felt Lauren move to sit up in the bed beside her and she quickly re-opened them, not wanting Lauren to go anywhere. They had gone to bed not long after the kiss, and Bo had wanted to try for more but didn't want to push her luck. But Lauren's ice was melting – there was no doubt about that.

"Hey, do you feel like you were hit by a truck too?" Bo said lightly.

Lauren looked down at her and smiled. "Mmm hmmm." She rubbed her eyes and moved to get up, looking warily around the room. "Sorry for crashing, I should have gone home."

"Lauren," Bo said quickly, grabbing her arm. "No, it's cool."

"I should go," Lauren said, ignoring her. Bo felt crushed – she had just been envisioning them spending the morning together, maybe going out to get breakfast. She had thought she was finally getting somewhere.

"Wait, Lauren. Can we talk for a second?"

"Sure," Lauren agreed uncomfortably.

"I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds, but I think you're cool, and I really like you as a person. I'd like to hang out, no pressure for anything else," Bo said, hoping that being direct was the best way to go about this.

Lauren smiled seemingly in spite of herself, and then shook her head a little. She was picking invisible lint off the sheet next to her. "I like you too Bo. And I'm sorry for kissing you last night. It wasn't fair. I just don't want to give you the wrong impression about anything. You know my situation, you've heard about it enough," Lauren said, rolling her eyes self-deprecatingly.

"You mean I don't get to be the rebound girl?" Bo said, joking to hide her hurt feelings.

Lauren just shrugged helplessly, shaking her head. "Don't say that. We work together, and yeah I'm not in the greatest place right now."

"I hope you don't mind my saying, but you seem really lonely," Bo pointed out. She felt awful for saying it when she saw Lauren flinch, even if it were the truth.

"Well yeah – I let a lot of my friendships slide while I was away, and I'm in a new city, so yes . . ."

Bo finally sat up so that they could look one another in the eye. "So let me be your friend Lauren. I'm lonely too," she said honestly. It was a fact, and she was lonelier than she'd ever been to have Lauren so close and so far away at the same time. "You've made yourself clear, I get that you don't want anything more from me. So let's not just say we can be friends, let's actually _be_ friends."

It was like she could literally see Lauren's guard coming down. "I'd like that."

Bo couldn't help herself, and she leaned forward and grabbed Lauren into a hug.

Lauren was stiff against her for a moment and then Bo felt her relax, softening a little to let Bo hold her. Bo smelled the familiar scent of her shampoo and felt Lauren's soft curves against her. She swallowed down the lump in her throat. She let Lauren go just when she sensed that it were about get be too uncomfortable.

"Great, well your first duty as a friend is to come and have breakfast with me."

Lauren smiled at her, in a way that made Bo know what they meant when they said your heart could skip a beat.


	11. Chapter 11

**_Hello peeps, your reviews are as always muchly appreciated.  
><em>**

**_And M.A. it's totally not pushy at all, just flattering. I can promise this fic will be completed - I'd written a rough draft of most of it before I started posting it, it's just a matter of tinkering & proofing the rest._**

**_Oh and I just realized I'm really bad at remembering to fix up page breaky things where I change the scene, I'm sorry if that's been annoying :P  
><em>**

**Chapter Eleven**

"It's so bizarre," Kenzi said. "I keep expecting her to suddenly snap out of it and remember me. Like she's going to start lecturing me about breaking things or whatnot."

"I keep telling you, I feel like that_ all_ of the time. Only without the lecturing. And you need to stop staring at her all of the time, she's going to think you want to get into her pants too."

"I can't help it! I feel so sorry for her, it's just not right," Kenzi said. She'd seen Lauren quite a few times now, but she couldn't shake the weird feeling it brought on.

"Shhh," Bo hushed her as Lauren came back into view.

"So, shots?" she asked as she passed the table. Bo and Kenzi simultaneously put their thumbs up in confirmation and Lauren nodded back to them in a business like fashion as she headed for the bar. Bo turned to watch her walk away – her ass looked amazing in those jeans.

"Can you please fold your tongue back into your mouth?" Kenzi commented, rolling her eyes.

"I can't help it. She's so delicious. Do you know how much torture this is? I mean, I've slept with her, I know what I'm missing," Bo complained and Kenzi made a gagging noise.

Over the last few weeks Bo and Lauren had become inseparable; she both loved and hated the way things were. Most of the time they ate lunch together at work, and they'd started spending large chunks of their weekends together. Bo was struggling to keep her hands to herself. She found herself always searching for reasons to touch Lauren. She could never keep her gaze away, could never stop herself from stalling whenever it was time for them to part company.

Often she would feel a wave of sexual interest wash over her from Lauren and it was all she could do not grab her and kiss her. Although Lauren had not yet given her any definitive 'go ahead' signals, Lauren still had the maddening trait of blurting out what was on her mind half of the time. As a result Lauren was forever complimenting her, telling her how amazing she looked, and so forth. She enjoyed it but it drove her nuts. She was positively starving and fed on other people out of necessity, but because it just wasn't what she wanted she still felt like she were climbing the walls half of the time.

"So when are you going to finally make your move and talk to her? You've been doing this friend thing forever now."

"I don't know yet. I hope I'll know when the time is right," Bo said. She had been waiting for the right time and while waiting she had started to enjoy their situation against her will. Although she would give anything to change it, there was something beautiful about getting to know Lauren all over again without the obstacles brought about by Lauren working for the Ash. She found that she could spend hours just listening to Lauren talk; she had discovered more about Lauren's past than she had ever known before.

"You should do it soon. It creeps me out," Kenzi said. "Listen, I know you like spending time around her but I think you're enjoying it a little bit too much."

God, why did she have to have such an annoying habit of reading Bo's mind? "What do you mean?" she said, deciding to play dumb.

"You know what I mean. I think you're dragging your feet. What's with the procrastinating?"

Bo shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know. It's nice. I get to just be a regular woman hanging out with someone who thinks I'm a regular woman. No weird fae-slash-human interspecies dating weirdness."

Kenzi was watching Lauren at the bar. "I get you hun, but it's not fair to her. You owe it to her to get this shit sorted out sooner rather than later."

Bo read the expression on Kenzi's face, realisation dawning on her until she narrowed her eyes. "You like her now."

"No I don't," Kenzi corrected, shaking her finger.

"Yes, you do. You totally like her." Bo laughed.

"Oh alright, I like her better now. She's different, not as stuck up. I guess I never thought about how hard it was for her, having to be a slave and all that," Kenzi said, caving in.

"Yeah, cos slavery always looked like it must be so much fun."

"You know what I mean," Kenzi frowned at her.

They quietened down as Lauren returned to the table carrying a tray of shots with enough for two each. Kenzi looked at Bo as if this proved her theory that Lauren was in fact more fun to be around in her present state. Bo shook her head at Kenzi and picked up a shot glass, shaking her head.

x x x

The next morning Bo felt Lauren get up to head for the shower. They had developed a routine of sleeping in the same bed; it had become an unspoken rule when they had consumed just enough alcohol for it provide a good enough excuse.

Bo routinely spent long portions of the night lying on her hands in an effort to stop herself from putting them on body parts she shouldn't. A couple of times she'd felt absolutely ecstatic when they'd woken up to find themselves close enough to be almost hugging or better yet spooning. Unfortunately Lauren always jumped out of bed quickly on such occasions, before Bo could get any closer.

Bo rolled over and stretched, then got up and padded across the room. She should have a shower too, but she wanted to go out and get them coffee first. It was the weekend and neither of them had to work; she relished the thought of them being able to spend the whole day together and if she were lucky maybe even another night.

Despite her intoxication she'd managed to dress properly for bed this time. She pulled off her shirt and sweat pants and was standing in her underwear looking down into a drawer when she felt a presence behind her.

Turning, she jumped to see Lauren standing in the doorway. Lauren's eyes raked over her body and she felt Lauren's level of arousal go off the charts. Bo stood looking back at her, letting her just stare. She had no desire to cover herself up, not when Bo could feel the intensity of Lauren's look like a touch. Lauren was openly staring at her breasts, at the curve of her hips, and then lower as though wishing Bo were fully naked. The moment stretched on forever.

"Shit, I'm sorry," Lauren finally realized what she was doing and turned to walk out. Bo smiled to herself and quickly got dressed.

When Bo emerged from her room, Lauren was standing in the kitchen. She was fairly certain that if Lauren were the type to blush she would be doing so right now.

"So what should we do today, movie marathon? Followed by a few drinks? Only way to cure a hangover, and you know that cos you're a doctor," Bo joked.

Lauren shoved her hands in her pockets. "I don't know, I was actually thinking I should go home and do some stuff around my apartment. I've been neglecting it, it looks like a bomb site."

Bo looked at her, trying to keep her expression neutral. She knew Lauren wanted to spend time with her as much as she wanted it. It was evident in the way Lauren had started to let her in, had started to really seem to trust her.

"Alright, show me your tits," Bo said matter-of-factly, and Lauren looked back at her in shock.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't want you to be embarrassed around me, so show me yours and we can call it even. Although really I'm the one who's supposed to be embarrassed," she said. A slight smile had started to appear on Lauren's face. Bo walked towards her, and Lauren started to back away but her movement was stopped by the obstruction presented by the kitchen counter. Lauren put her hands out but Bo kept advancing.

"Come on, let's see them," Bo said with mock resignation. Soon she had Lauren pinned to the counter and had started working at the buttons of Lauren's shirt while Lauren tried to swat her hands away, laughing nervously. Bo could feel Lauren's body against her own, their legs entangling while Lauren struggled against her.

"Alright, alright. You're right, I'm being silly. I'll stay and hang out," Lauren finally agreed, her voice shaking a little.

"Good," Bo nodded, pleased that her mission had been accomplished. She had managed to undo two buttons, but unfortunately Lauren was wearing a tank top underneath. Bo set about putting the buttons back in their holes, deliberately brushing against Lauren as she did so and enjoying the subtle catching of breath she heard.

Bo hadn't thought it were possible for the sexual tension to intensify, but she found out how wrong she was as the day wore on. They'd settled onto the sofa with a bucket of popcorn and a pizza; Kenzi mercifully had made herself scarce and wasn't at home. Bo had no interest whatsoever in the movie they were supposed to be viewing and spent most of her time secretly watching Lauren.

She got up to get them cans of soda from the kitchen and when she came back Lauren had reclined along the length of the sofa.

"Are you quite comfortable?" Bo said teasingly. There was no room at the end of the sofa for her to sit back down. Lauren smiled up at her, somewhat nervously.

"You can lay down with me if you want," she said, motioning to the empty space in front of her.

"Oh, okay," Bo said, trying to act like the offer was no big deal even though her stomach had just flip-flopped. She put the drinks down and settled herself on the sofa, Lauren arranging the cushion so that she could still see the TV.

Bo closed her eyes, revelling in the sensation of having Lauren so close to her. She could feel the warmth from Lauren's skin through their clothes, the softness of her breasts pushed into Bo's back.

She felt overwhelmed with it – if only Lauren could feel what she was feeling - if only she could remember that they were in love.

She felt a hand being placed hesitatingly on her hip and she held her breath, hoping that it wouldn't be pulled away. They lay like that for a while, Bo's mouth dry as she stared unseeing at the television. She felt desperate to be touched, like something in her would snap if Lauren were to move.

Then the hand moved higher, underneath her shirt just at her waist, stroking the skin it found. Bo didn't mean to react so strongly but she arched backwards, pressing herself into Lauren. She became aware that Lauren was breathing against her neck, a little harder than normal. Obviously she wasn't the only one feeling affected out of proportion to what was actually happening.

Lauren's hand moved higher still, tracing the lines of her stomach muscles. Her touch was gentle and insistent, feather light and then harder, blunt fingernails scraping against Bo's skin. Bo put her hand over Lauren's, just resting her fingers on her wrist in encouragement.

"Turn around," Lauren whispered in her ear, and Bo couldn't do it fast enough. She rolled onto her back and was met with Lauren's face looking down at her. She put her hands around Lauren's neck and although she was dying to pull her downwards she waited, wanting Lauren to be the one to come to her. Their eyes were locked to one another's, and Bo could swear she could feel the old love and understanding stretching out between them.

When their lips joined Bo tried to keep her mouth soft, tried to not be too over eager. She tried to just pretend that they were just two people who'd met and were hanging out and were beginning to really like one another.

It felt like anything but that. Lauren was stroking the side of her face, all tenderness and gentle strength. Lauren opened her mouth, her tongue gently moving against Bo's. Bo sighed, her body coiled tight with desire, feeling like she were swimming in it. Before long Lauren was kissing her harder and deeper as they moved against one another on the sofa. Lauren had slung a leg over her and Bo reached down, putting her hands tentatively on Lauren's ass, pulling her closer.

When they broke apart Bo was breathless, her heard thudding in her chest like a freight train. She smiled up at Lauren, who was looking down at her with the strangest expression on her face.

"Are you okay?" Bo asked, afraid of the answer. She pressed her fingers to Lauren's neck and collarbone, wanting to touch her before she could pull away. Lauren was already regretting it, that much was obvious.

"Yeah - yes, I'm okay," Lauren said. She did not look okay, and this was confirmed when Lauren sat back, disengaging them from one another. Bo sat up with a feeling of dull resignation in her chest. It had felt too good to be true, so it was.

"What's wrong? Is it because of . . . your ex or something?"

"I don't know, I don't know," Lauren said. She covered her face with one of her hands and Bo noticed that it were shaking. Lauren was not the type to move on guiltlessly. She should have gone slower, she shouldn't have let things get so hot without talking about it first. It didn't matter that Lauren had made the first move, she should have taken control.

Bo moved closer to her and tried to pull her hand back from her face. "It's alright, Lauren, it's alright. We can just be friends if you want, please don't go though." She felt like she was going to cry. It was not a good feeling to see that kissing her had made Lauren feel so terrible. It had been selfish of her to try to get close to Lauren in this way, just because it was what she wanted so much.

"I feel like I'm going crazy," Lauren whispered, and when she finally pulled her hand away Bo was shocked to see that she had tears in her eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how to explain it, you're going to think I'm so nuts," she said, throwing her hands in the air.

"I'm not going to think anything like that," Bo said soothingly, putting her hands on Lauren's shoulders and looking into her eyes. "Just tell me what it is, please."

"I've just been getting this weird feeling. I've had it before when I've been with you, but it's been getting worse. I think I need to go and see somebody, have it checked out, I mean there could be a lot of different causes for it. I've done some research but I couldn't come to any sort of conclusion, it's really not good for a doctor to try and diagnose themselves, and I don't have any psychiatric training," Lauren rambled.

"Slow down. Tell me what you're feeling."

"Deja vu, that's all I can think of to call it. It can be indicative of epilepsy, which I don't have. And I read a theory that it's a fatigue symptom, but that doesn't make sense to me either," Lauren explained anxiously.

"Deja vu?" Bo asked. W_hat had they done to her?_

"It's not how it sounds. It always seems to be about _you_, and it won't go away. At first I thought you just really reminded me of someone. This morning when I walked into your bedroom, I could swear that I'd seen your body before," Lauren said, looking away from her in embarrassment. "And when we were kissing just now, it came on so strongly. I know it must so sound like no big deal to you, but I just can't put into words how real it feels."

If she had been waiting for a right time, then surely this was it. She couldn't let Lauren walk around thinking that there was something wrong with her. And maybe - just maybe - if Lauren trusted her enough to initiate that kiss, and if she felt close enough to her to talk to her like this, then it was time to talk back.

Bo took Lauren's hands between her own. "I need to tell you something."


	12. Chapter 12

**_Enjoy all, I hope this soothes the wounds from that last episode, which was awful. Your reviews from the last chapter made me feel warm and fuzzy more than usual._****  
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**Chapter Twelve**

When Bo began to talk, she could see that she lost Lauren very quickly. Lauren was looking at her sceptically - probably wishing that she had that psychiatric training she'd just been talking about.

Still she was too kind to do anything but let Bo talk for a good long while as Bo told her everything she could think of that she might need to know. She kept doubling back to explain things that she'd neglected or to fill in gaps. She couldn't stop stumbling over her words. There was so much information to get through that it was difficult to know where to begin. She wished Kenzi was with her to help tell the story and to back her up.

"And you're saying you're one of these . . . fae ? What did you call yourself?" Lauren asked.

"I'm a succubus. And you were the one who helped me figure that out, Lauren," Bo said, looking at Lauren hopefully. Lauren just looked away from her and Bo felt it like a kick to her stomach. Lauren's feelings right now couldn't be any clearer. She was thinking that she'd gotten herself mixed up with a nut, or some kind of con woman. Bo wished she had photos of them together from before - anything to make her look less stupid.

If only she could think of a more convincing way to tell this story; but then was there any reasonable way of explaining that fairy tales were real? She cast her mind backwards, thinking about what it had been like to reveal her true nature to Kenzi. Once Kenzi had seen what she could do with her own eyes, she didn't have a whole lot of trouble believing that there was something supernatural about Bo. But she couldn't do anything too Succubus-y to Lauren, because then it might compromise the whole free will thing. Maybe if she took her out somewhere, demonstrated her powers on a stranger . . .

"Okay, I understand that this all sounds very out there. But you're a scientist right? So you'd believe evidence if you were able to see it with your own eyes. I can show you things that'll help. Give me today, don't run away, and if you still don't believe me then I'll leave you alone," Bo gambled.

"I'm sorry Bo, but I need to go," Lauren said. Bo watched while she gathered her things, frozen. For the life of her she could not think of a way to make Lauren stay. She got up and followed Lauren to the hallway and watched as she walked away, realizing that she'd never felt so small.

When Kenzi came home hours later she was still lying on the couch. The TV was on but her mind was racing with thoughts, going over her conversation with Lauren repeatedly. She didn't know how she was going to fix this, didn't know if Lauren would even ever speak to her again. Maybe she should have just let things go on as they were – maybe in time Lauren would have fallen in love with her all over again and they could have been happy. But she would have always had to hide, and she didn't know if she would be able to bear lying to Lauren about who she was every day.

Through the numbness she hadn't even realized that she were crying until Kenzi looked at her with worried eyes and motioned for her to sit up so they could cuddle.

"What happened?"

"I tried to tell her. She didn't believe a word of it. Not even close," Bo said bitterly. She felt stupid. She had been naive to think that all she would have to do was come clean to Lauren. She had just believed so firmly that it would have to work, because it was _Lauren._ Lauren, who was so curious and all-knowing and smart. Lauren, who was always trying to make her feel proud of what she was. She had thought that being receptive to the fae world was second nature to Lauren.

"Aw Bo. It must have been a big shock to her. You'll talk to her again," Kenzi said firmly.

"What if she _never_ believes me?" Bo asked. "What am I going to do?"

"Then you'd need to move on Bo. I know it hurts, but you'd just have to," Kenzi said, touching her hair soothingly, sighing as she felt Bo shake her head against her hand.

X X X

Bo didn't sleep much for the next two nights. She was terrified that she'd screwed it all up. She was just holding her breath until Monday, when she would get the chance to see Lauren at work. She'd already tried to call Lauren a couple of times and the phone had rang out. Anxiously she wondered if Lauren would even _be_ at work. What if she did something extreme like leave just to avoid her? But it wasn't in her nature. If Lauren was going to go, she would do it all by the book and give two weeks notice.

When she arrived, she gathered that Lauren was in her office. Nothing was amiss, nobody had called in sick, and apparently she was expected to just go about her business as usual.

"Hi Casey, hi Bo," Lauren said with a tentative smile at her when she came out to the reception area to pick up some files.

"Hey," Bo said, but could not bring herself to smile back. Like her Lauren looked a little tired, and no matter how much Lauren tried to pretend all was well she could see something very different in the way Lauren looked at her. She grimaced to herself - her patience was running thin. She'd been halfway to contented with the way things were, but now the injustice of their situation was getting on her last nerve. How was she just supposed to wait until Lauren might throw her a bone and want to talk to her again?

Patience had never been one of her virtues, and she was beginning to think she'd used most of what little she had up.

When Casey offered to take a turn locking up the office Bo snapped at her, insisting that she was supposed to be doing it. She refused to spend another night staring at the ceiling, feeling sorry for herself. Lauren was hiding away in her office; she didn't hear a peep while everyone else went home and the clinic became eerily quiet. As soon as she could be sure that it was empty she locked up the front door and then marched down towards Lauren's office.

She didn't bother to knock. When she opened the she saw a startled Lauren looking up at her. To Bo it didn't even look like she were doing anything; she was just sitting there staring off into space, nothing opened in front of her. Bo fought against being upset with her – she had to keep reminding herself that Lauren didn't want to be like this. If Lauren had her way they would be together, and it was up to her to make it happen for both of them.

"Bo, listen -" Lauren started. She had a compassionate look on her face, and Bo couldn't bear the thought that Lauren might actually feel sorry for her.

"No, you listen. You believed this before, I know you're not a closed-minded person. I know you can believe again. Examine me," Bo said, the idea just coming to her.

"What do you mean?" Lauren asked, a confused expression on her face.

"Check me out – I admit I don't really know how to tell you what to look for but you always said my physiology or whatever is different. We're in a doctor's office, it won't be hard," Bo pleaded.

"Bo, I'm not going to do that," Lauren said gently. "I'm sorry, but I think you're having some sort of delusion that involves me. I'll help you if you want to see someone about this, but maybe it's not a good idea for us to spend too much time together any more."

"Ugh!" Bo said. As much as she didn't want to she was starting to lose her temper. "I don't know how to get through to you! Alright, alright," she paced back and forth, thinking. What did she know about Lauren that she couldn't know just from meeting her recently? She wished they'd talked more before the memory wipe – her mind was blank. Lauren was just watching her from her chair. Again she tried to imagine what Lauren would do if she were in her shoes. Maybe Lauren would tell her to use the skills she had available to her; after all she was always talking about how Bo shouldn't be ashamed of them. It couldn't be about forcing Lauren to want her, but there was one thing she had left.

"Okay, I can read libido. Okay, so listen to this, I can tell you things that I shouldn't know about you. I know that you don't have the slightest flicker of interest in men. I've never seen you light up for a man, not even a tiny bit. No, you're all about women. You like it when I wear that black skirt, the one just above the knee?" she put her hand on her leg to indicate where the hemline would be. "That always gets a big reaction. You like it when I wear my hair down. You do find Casey a little bit attractive, not enough to make me jealous but it's there. That surprised me, I didn't think she'd be your type. And you love the way I dress at work, especially that skirt I was talking about, but you like it even better when I'm just wearing a tank top and sweat pants."

Lauren was shifting uncomfortably in her chair. She was holding her hand out, talking quietly as though she didn't want to set Bo off. "You didn't just say anything that you couldn't have guessed or figured out from my body language. I'm sorry, but this needs to stop."

Bo walked over to where she sat and ran her eyes over Lauren. "Well I know you're still into me now, even though your body language says you're trying to give me the brush off."

Lauren shook her head slightly.

"You want more proof? Okay," Bo said. There was nothing to lose, might as well go all out. She leaned over towards Lauren, hoping that she had a good view down her top. It was satisfying to see Lauren's eyes wandering downwards before she could stop them. "Unlike other people I don't have to guess when it comes to sex. I know when someone is faking, either that they like or don't like something. When we were together I could see that you like to take control. That quiet reserved thing you got going on does not extend to the bedroom."

"You could know that from what happened the other day," Lauren pointed out stubbornly.

"Would it help if I were more explicit?"

Lauren got up from her chair and walked away, putting distance between them, but she made no move to leave the room. Bo followed her with her eyes, enjoying the spike in lust that her words had brought on, which she could clearly see.

"You're quite dominant actually, although you're just as happy when I take the lead. Going down on me was probably the thing you liked most . . . and that's lucky for me seeing as you're _very_ good at it. You love it when I kissed your neck, and you like it just a little bit rough sometimes when the moment is right," she said. She'd followed Lauren and was standing close to her again.

"Again Bo, nothing you're saying proves anything. You're just making it up. I don't know if you really believe it or if you're just teasing me, trying to make me uncomfortable. I don't know why you would do that," Lauren replied. She was standing close to her desk, crossing and uncrossing her arms. Despite her discomfort her energy levels were as high as Bo had ever seen them.

"I'm not teasing you," Bo said softly. She reached out and tucked a hair behind Lauren's ear, then drew her hand lightly down Lauren's shirt between her breasts but not touching them. She watched Lauren's throat and saw her swallow hard. "You've got the most beautiful body I've ever seen – your breasts are perfect, and your skin tastes amazing." She was getting hungrier and hungrier the more she spoke. Knowing that she might be likely to get shoved away she moved forward very slowly, watching Lauren's eyes.

She kissed Lauren's face just above her jawline, and she smiled when she felt Lauren's hand come up to her shoulder, not to push her away but to sweep Bo's hair out of the way.

She kissed Lauren's neck, her cheek, her forehead, feathering light kisses everywhere. She could hear Lauren's quickened breath. She wanted to tell Lauren that she loved her but bit it back – that would be way too much. Instead she focused on just doing this, on speaking the way she felt through her touch. She finally moved to Lauren's mouth and kissed her lightly, exhaling sharply at the feel of it.

It took superhuman concentration; trying to seduce Lauren without using her powers. Lauren had once told her that she had enough charm _all on her own_. She needed Lauren to want her for real, not just to reverse the memory wipe but so that she would always know it no matter what happened.

If Lauren hadn't started moving her mouth she would have pulled away, but she did. Lauren's lips started to yield under her own, increasing their pressure and teasing against Bo's mouth.

Lauren pushed her backwards and she thought that it was over, but all she was doing was moving her around, shoving her up against the desk and kissing her more fully, their teeth and lips and tongues clashing. Lauren started to lift her onto the desk and she helped, moving herself up so that Lauren could stand between her open legs.

Lauren's tongue was in her mouth aggressively pushing into her. Lauren's hands were sliding up her thighs, underneath her skirt. Bo could hear herself moaning as Lauren took her hands away, pulling Bo's shirt out from where it was tucked in and then pushing a hand up under Bo's top. She was grasping almost roughly at Bo's breast, and in that moment it was just what Bo needed. She felt an answering jolt in her stomach, and all the way down.

She could hear their breathing, loud and ragged. Without any warning Bo felt Lauren's hand become still on her chest and then it was gone.

"Please don't stop," Bo said.

"I'm sorry. This is such a bad idea, I'm so sorry," Lauren stepped back from her, looking mortified.

"Why, because you think I'm nuts?" Bo replied. She was struggling to push the heat back down, to ignore her hunger.

Lauren was staring down at the floor. "I wouldn't have used those words. But it's not right."

Bo felt tears spring to her eyes and she looked off to the side. She sensed rather than saw Lauren hesitate and then come closer, putting her arms around Bo. Closing her eyes she leaned into Lauren feeling instantly warm and safe. She wished they could just stay like this.

"You feel something for me, I know you must, " Bo said, holding Lauren more tightly in her arms.

There was silence – at least Lauren didn't try to deny it.

"Just let me try. Give me a few hours, so we can go and see somebody. Will you do that?"

Bo heard Lauren sigh. "Okay, I'll come with you."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Wow over 100 reviews? That is amazing. As for being more excited about reading this than watching the show that does say a lot about the quality of the show right now . . . at least we know Lauren's back next episode though right?**_

_**So this is the last two chapters. I'm posting them at the same time rather than teasing you with cliffhangers, although I think you secretly like it. Thanks for coming along for the ride & appreciating this. It was always planned to finish here even though with the positive reviews I was tempted to drag it out so I could get more ;) However I don't think I'm finished with Doccubus, I think there will at least be one shots in my future.**_

**Chapter Thirteen**

Bo dismissed the idea of having Kenzi talk to Lauren, although it had been something that she had always assumed she'd do at some point. Kenzi was the only person that she could be sure would help out. However in light of how resistant Lauren was, she realized that it would be too easy for Lauren to think that it was some kind of trick and that she'd put Kenzi up to it. They would need to take things to the next level – she decided to take Lauren to The Dal.

She drove Lauren there, both of them silent. Bo could see Lauren out of the corner of her eyes, staring out of the window. Lauren regretted their making love and it cut her to the bone. After Lauren had helped her put herself back together - handing Bo her underwear and pointedly looking away – Bo had moved forward to kiss her one more time. Lauren had cleared her throat and moved backwards, quietly apologizing. Bo wasn't sure whether it was for the rejection or for what they'd just done. Either way Lauren probably thought she'd just encouraged a psycho and was scared she was going to have a stalker on her case now.

When they arrived she led Lauren in by the hand, a thrill going through her when Lauren let her take it. It was quiet in the bar – not yet happy hour – but a hush fell over the small crowd. Then there was the sound of audible whispers. Bo looked at Lauren's face and was relieved to see that Lauren hadn't missed it. She was looking around curiously, noticing the stares from strangers. Bo wondered what it looked like through Lauren's eyes. It did just look like a regular bar; only human-shaped fae were visible.

"Why are they all looking at me?" Lauren asked Bo quietly, a note of fear in her voice.

"Some of them would know you from before, and word has been spread that you're not supposed to know about the fae any more. They're wondering why you're here," Bo said, clutching Lauren's hand to comfort her.

It was spooky the way everything had frozen and she hoped like hell nobody was going to give her any trouble. Thankfully this was supposed to be a place of sanctuary, another reason why she had chosen to come here. One of the options she'd considered was going to the compound, but that would be asking for the kind of trouble they didn't need. She could only imagine how Locklyn would react.

"Are they going to do anything to me?"

Bo shook her head. "You're with me, that means you're protected here." At least Lauren seemed to be buying into it a little. It would be difficult not to, given the strength of the weird vibes in here. It gave her some hope.

As they approached the bar Bo looked at Trick waiting to see what his reaction was going to be. He'd dropped the rag he was holding and was staring at her with as much fury as a kindly person was able to. She winced inwardly. She needed Trick, but she was bracing herself for a lecture or much worse. If he refused to help them she might never forgive him. He glanced at Lauren, looking her up and down. His eyes returned to Bo and he shook his head disapprovingly.

"Hi Trick," Bo said as though she couldn't imagine what the problem could be. "Can we speak to you for a few minutes in the back?"

"I'm busy," he spat out and pointed to the door. "I think you had better take your friend and leave _right now._"

"Trick, please? There's been a problem with the wipe and I need your help. I'm begging you," Bo said. She flicked her eyes anxiously towards Lauren. Without realizing it she'd started to grip Lauren's hand very hard in an effort to make sure she didn't try to run. She willed herself to relax it knowing that they didn't need Lauren to get even more freaked out.

Trick's eyes moved across to Lauren again as though trying to read her expression. "What kind of a problem?" He sighed off her look of fear, aware that he'd already begun to give the game away. "I don't even need to ask. I knew you wouldn't be able to leave well enough alone. Come in the back."

Lauren's head snapped to stare at Bo, alarmed by Trick's words. She had finally yanked her hand back from Bo's grip and now she was hugging her arms around herself. Bo reached out to rub her shoulder. "Just try to go with it Lauren, I'll keep you safe I promise. This is all going to be okay."

They filed into Trick's office and he shut the door behind them, looking warily out at the staring patrons as he did so.

"You could at least have waited until I was closed Bo, this is going to be all over town before you even leave," he said wearily. Trick sank into the chair behind his desk and then propped his hand on his chin, waiting for them both to sit down. He was looking at Bo with annoyance and just the tiniest trace of admiration. "You really have no respect for our laws at all, do you?"

"You know the answer to that," Bo said. "Can you tell Lauren that you know her, and that I'm telling her the truth?" She glanced over at Lauren, who was still staring intently at Trick, her chest rising and falling quickly in panic. Bo wondered if being here in such a familiar fae setting was giving her that deja vu feeling again.

"I'm not going to do that," Trick said, tenting his fingers and leaning his elbows on the desk. "I'm not going to show such flagrant disregard for the rules." His eyes were twinkling.

Bo nodded, ready to play along. She leaned forward. "Oooookay. Well then can you just tell me _theoretically, _if someone were to get her memory wiped, why would they still have traces left behind?"

"Well. _Hypothetically, _and I say that because no fae has ever been stupid enough to violate the rules in such a reckless fashion," he said pointedly. "Traces are always left behind. It's just that the person who has had their memory wiped would have those traces stay entirely in the subconscious. They might just see fragments in their dreams, for example. However, if a person were to come directly into contact again and again with the source of their memories then it stands to reason that those traces would come to the surface. There's not much literature about this because like I said, it's probably never happened just like this. And if it had they'd try to keep it off the books. It's a little bit of an embarrassment."

He leaned towards Lauren, speaking to her gently and dropping all the pretence. "And Bo is what I tried to warn you about in the first place, but I guess you underestimated how stubborn Bo is, and how much she cares. I wish I'd done more to warn you about that."

Lauren was staring at him, jogging her legs up and down where she sat. Abruptly she pushed her chair back, almost knocking it over.

"Lauren -" Bo reached out towards her.

"I don't – this is so screwed up -" Lauren said. She gave Bo one last hard look and then made a run for it, headed for the door. Bo moved to follow her and Trick stopped her. He'd risen from his chair and had a hand held out in warning.

"Wait a second, wait. Bo, get her to The Handmaidens as fast as you can. She's a liability now, especially because you've come here. If you really want to protect her you need to get her back to normal. You need to clean up the mess you've made," he said. She nodded at him to show that she understood.

"Thank you, Trick. I know how much you just put yourself on the line for us," she said, then turned for the door and bolted.

When she caught up to her on the street Lauren was walking with her head down, and she barely glanced at Bo when she became aware of her presence. She started walking faster.

"Lauren, I know this is all a shock to you, but please slow down. We need to talk, we need to get this thing reversed or there's going to be trouble," Bo said. She tried to take Lauren's arm but Lauren pulled it away. Looking at the side of Lauren's face, she realised that there were tears running down her face. It broke her heart to see her cry. She kept pace with Lauren for a few more steps, just waiting.

Finally Lauren stopped and turned to her. "This whole time, you've known everything and I've known nothing. I don't understand what you've been trying to do with me."

"I've been trying to help you," Bo said. She took Lauren by the shoulders. "Please believe me. We cared about each other _a lot_. We went through a lot together. Can you feel any of that with me?"

Lauren looked everywhere but at her face. "I thought I was just really infatuated with you – I mean, you're a beautiful woman, and I've been lonely . . ."

Bo put her hands to Lauren's face, making sure that they were looking into one another's eyes. "Listen to me. We loved one another – I mean I still do. . . I'm so in love with you. Can you trust me? To get your memory back you have to want it, and we need to do it soon."

"This is so fucking crazy," Lauren said. She put her hands on Bo's wrists, put she didn't pull them away.

Bo leaned in slowly, giving Lauren time to stop it if that were what she wanted, and when their lips touched she felt like she might cry with the relief of it. They melted into one another, not noticing as people walked around them.

"Do you promise me? Do you promise that what you're saying is real, and that you didn't tell him what to say?" Lauren said, pulling away briefly and holding Bo's face in her hands.

"I promise," Bo whispered. And when she felt Lauren's soft lips moving against her again, her heart felt like it were bursting.

X X X

"This is almost a first for me," the Mnemosyne said, reclining in her arm chair.

"Almost?" Lauren asked shakily. Bo put her hand lightly on Lauren's back. The look of fear had been fixed on her face for most of the night now; the only small comfort for Bo was that it wouldn't be much longer before that look would be taken away. When they'd entered the room she'd looked around at the expensive looking furniture and carpets and the weird artifacts everywhere – the place Bo had brought her did look kind of like something out of a fairytale.

"Almost. I'm quite disappointed I must say – it's draining for me to give it back. For a human it would be like regurgitating a particularly delicious meal. But I play by the rules, and you've earned it back. Where is your lover, Nadia, the other woman?"

"We broke up," Lauren replied after a stunned silence. Bo could see that she was mesmerised by the Mnemosyne. She was staring at her as though it were for one of her all important research projects. There was nothing outwardly strange-looking about her, but she did have a strange way of talking and of carrying herself.

The Mnemosyne nodded, looking satisfied with herself. "Good. That was our intention. We could see that your heart didn't lie with her. We try to not interfere with fate too much, although that must sound silly to you both. I'm just glad that there's not two batches of memories I have to give back. I'm exhausted by the thought," she said.

"Why didn't you give them the memories you were supposed to plant?" Bo blurted out, although she at least tried to keep the anger from her voice. She was less afraid now that Lauren had already convinced them of the genuine nature of her claim. All that the Mnemosyne had done was ask her a few questions and then put her hand over Lauren's heart. Bo was relieved at how quickly she had been satisfied, sure up until the last moment that they might find some way to screw them out of this.

The Mnemosyne stared at her. "So impertinent. I just told you why. People always ask for the most ridiculous fantasies. We supply something closer to real life, and these two were pretending that they could be happy together. They were trying to use us to do so. It wasn't the truth."

She put her hand in the air and clicked her fingers, which apparently summoned the Handmaidens. They came into the room looking at Lauren and Bo curiously, and the Mnemosyne turned to address them.

"We must return her memories, and I'll need your assistance."

"It's been centuries!" one of the Handmaidens' voices chimed in surprise.

"Wait a minute – so do you take back the memories since the wipe?" Bo asked in confusion. Lauren was obviously too stunned to ask such questions, and was struggling to keep up with it all. Bo didn't blame her. She couldn't keep track of what was what and which parts Lauren was supposed to be able to remember, and she at least had the whole picture in front of her.

"No, there is no need for that. False memories don't taste right to me. And besides, they can co-exist with her real memory once we restore it. You'll see. Lauren, you can return to your home now, and this traitor to her kind can accompany you if she likes," the Mnemosyne said, gesturing towards Bo. She said it in a neutral tone, as though any passion were beneath her. "What's your address now?"

After Lauren gave it all of the Handmaidens nodded in unison. "We'll come to your dwelling before dawn once again, and when you wake up you'll have your memories back."

X X X

Lauren lay down on the bed, her house full of strange people bustling around. She was looking at the Handmaidens fearfully.

"I feel like I'm going to wake up without my kidneys, or with all my electronics stolen or something. Please promise me again that this is not some really strange scheme to do something to me?" Lauren pleaded. She was lying as stiff as a board, and Bo leaned down to kiss her forehead, brushing her hair back from her head.

"I promise you can trust me," Bo replied.

Lauren looked up at her and after a beat she nodded. Bo moved to lay at her side, taking her hand firmly. Bo watched as Lauren's eyes fluttered closed and the Mnemosyne approached.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14/Epilogue**

Bo wanted so badly to stay awake. Aside from wanting to be there for Lauren when she woke up she couldn't bear the anticipation; it was like being a kid on Christmas Eve. After everyone had left she'd lain by Lauren's side to watch her sleep, stroking Lauren's hair and letting it slide between her fingers. Her only thought was _please let this be real, please let this be real._

Lauren might wake up angry or fearful. At the very least she would probably wake up very confused. So when Bo couldn't keep her eyes open any longer she slept fitfully for a couple of hours, one hand resting on Lauren's shoulder in the hope that any movement would alert her should Lauren wake up. Whenever she was pulled out of rest by her worries she'd put a hand on Lauren's heart or watch her chest rise and fall. Her worst fear kept staring her in the face regardless of how irrational it might seem – that something bad might happen to Lauren before she could awake.

By the time morning had come, she knew she couldn't wait much longer. The sun was streaming in through the curtains and she watched Lauren sleeping for a while, stunned by how beautiful she looked, her face beautiful and peaceful.

"Lauren," Bo whispered. No response, so she said it again louder. Then she pushed Lauren's shoulder lightly with her hand. A slight slap on the arm; a poke in the ribs. _Sleeping beauty. _In the end she leaned over and kissed Lauren's neck, running her tongue along the soft skin. Finally Lauren awoke with a start, jumping where she lay taking gasps of breath. Her eyes snapped open and her whole body stiffened. She looked around the room, her eyes fixing on Bo. And then a smile started to dawn like the sun.

Bo answered her smile but didn't trust herself to speak.

Lauren put her hand to her head as though she'd suffered a blow, frowning and laughing at the same time. "Well, if that isn't the biggest mind fucking I've ever encountered."

Bo laughed and looked at her with concern, brushing Lauren's hair back from her face. "Are you alright?" There were about a million questions she wanted to ask and she tried to restrain herself.

"It's the strangest feeling. It's like I can remember the last few years twice. And I can remember _not remembering _for the last couple of months. Do you know what I mean?"

"Kind of, I think," Bo said, her eyes crinkling with the effort of trying to wrap her head around it. She ran her fingers along Lauren's shoulder, down to her forearms and trailed them all the way down to her fingertips. It was amazing to be able to touch her – to not have to hold back for one reason or another.

They each moved onto their sides to face one another, their hands clasped together. They lay in silence for a long time, Bo watching as the thoughts passed over Lauren's face and she tried to mentally sort through her memories.

"Is it terribly confusing?" Bo asked when she became impatient.

"Maybe not as much as you'd think. It's like even though I can remember the last few years twice, the false one is kind of blurry around the edges. It's like a weird dream. It's going to take me a while to feel normal I suppose, but I think I'm going to be okay," she said thoughtfully.

"Good," Bo smiled. She traced her fingers over Lauren's lips, and smiled once more when Lauren kissed her fingertips. But then Lauren frowned as a realization dawned on her.

"God, Bo," Lauren said. "The last month or two must have been hell for you. I'm sorry I put you through all of that."

Bo shook her head. She would do it all over again if it meant having this moment. As hard as it had been the pain of it was already receding, and all that she could feel now was the greatest relief of her life. "Did I do the right thing though? Are you happy?" Bo's voice broke over the words.

"Oh," Lauren looked at her, pretty much as though she were crazy. She reached up her hand and placed it along Bo's cheek. " You never gave up on me. I owe you my life."

Bo moved her face to kiss Lauren's palm. She was flooded with a happiness she couldn't quite remember ever having inside of her before. There was so much to figure out – for instance exactly how much trouble she were going to be in with the fae elders (not that she had ever much cared what they thought). She also had no idea what kind of position Lauren was going to have in their world now, or whether The Ash would come demanding her servitude again. But all of these questions seemed insignificant in light of the fact that her universe had been righted.

She and Lauren had always made a good team. Bo was struck with the corny thought that there was nothing that they couldn't figure out if they worked together. There was only one obstacle she could imagine getting in their way now.

"And Nadia?" Bo asked gently, not sure what kind of reaction the question would be met with.

Lauren smiled sadly at her. "She's been given the chance to move on now. A real chance. She's free. I'm at peace with that – and with it being over, I mean. I hope she's happy now."

Bo rolled towards Lauren, surprising her by straddling her and pinning her arms up above her head. Lauren looked up at her, her shock giving way to desire.

"Now I need you to make a promise," Bo said, grabbing her arms tighter for emphasis.

"What is it?" Lauren asked, looking up at Bo and grinning. She was squirming against Bo in a way that made it difficult for Bo to concentrate on what she was supposed to be saying.

"That you'll never do anything that stupid ever again. That you'll come to me next time, instead of going off and doing something impulsive like that again," Bo said, continually re-pinning Lauren's arms as she tried to get them free.

"Ha! We both know I'm not the impulsive one in this relationship," Lauren pointed out, then looked embarrassed. "I mean – you know . . . what I mean . . ."

Bo shook her head, a rush of happiness going all through her. She had the strangest urge just to laugh and laugh, to do something to release the giddy happiness she felt. "Don't go looking all sheepish now. I think after everything we've been through we can call this a relationship. If you want to."

"Well of course I do," Lauren said. Bo had released her arms and Lauren slid her hands up Bo's waist, running her fingers over the curve of her hips, then pulled her down.

Bo felt the difference in the way Lauren kissed her. Oh, their kisses when Lauren had been without her memory had been lovely. More than lovely. They'd been sweet and sexy and hot and they'd left her aching for more. But it wasn't the same as knowing that the true Lauren loved her and wanted to be kissing her, that she had no reservations whatsoever about her.

Lauren was grabbing the front of her tank top now and kissing her for all she was worth, and Bo could hear the want in the way she moaned and feel it in the way she was thrusting up against her.

There was no need to go slowly. They had done plenty of that. Lauren rolled her onto her back and Bo wrapped her legs around her, loving the gentle weight of Lauren pressing down into her. Something about feeling that weight made her feel safe, not to mention turned on. Because it wasn't about seeking to have her hunger sated – the thing that drove most of her sexual interaction - Bo found that with Lauren she loved having things done _to _her more than she ever had in her whole life.

All of the weeks of tension had concentrated down into this point. Being around Lauren had made her perpetually wet, always ready for this moment. She couldn't wait. Bo grabbed Lauren's hand and pushed it down between her legs. Lauren more than took the hint and started stroking Bo through her clothes. Bo whispered into Lauren's ear what she needed her to do and Lauren's sure fingers pulled her pants and underwear down and then sank into her, while Bo took Lauren's face in her hands so they could kiss.

They made love again and again, still not quite able to believe that they now had all of the time in the world. They slowly shed their clothes as they went, and the morning melted into late morning and then it was noon.

Lauren eventually went out into the kitchen to get them some food, and returned to the bed to take Bo some breakfast. She felt sore and tired all over; she was literally weak at the knees. Having sex with a succubus required more energy than with a human – but she wouldn't have it any other way. She liked the way it made her feel. Like she had given all she could give and taken all she could take.

"So now we can talk properly, tell me, what did you think of me? When I walked into that doctor's office, and you didn't know anything about me?" Bo asked, stretching like a cat out on the bed. Lauren noticed proudly that she looked _very_ satisfied.

"Speaking of which, I've really got to get a better job. I was so depressed about the break-up and the loneliness I took the first job I could find. I mean really, I need something a bit more challenging. And that Toby, Jeez," Lauren ran on.

Bo grabbed her hand to still it, because Lauren had been gesticulating wildly. "Slow down. There will be plenty of time now to get everything in order."

"You're right, you're right," Lauren said.

"Here," she passed Bo a plate with some cut-up fruit on it. "So you wanted to know what I think." She pondered, trying to imagine how much she should tell. "Well, I thought you were very beautiful, of course. The most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I was wary of you though."

"Wary?" Bo said, and Lauren rushed to soothe the vaguely hurt look in her eye.

"Well, yes. I always had that strange feeling about you like I knew you better than I should. And I felt like I was in trouble. It took a lot of willpower to not jump into bed with you at the earliest opportunity," Lauren explained.

Bo grinned sexily at her. "Well, the feeling was mutual."

"But then I started to get to know you, and I thought you were so sweet and kind," Lauren said, smiling at the memory.

"Ah but what about when I told you about the fae? You really thought I was crazy didn't you?"

Lauren rolled her eyes. "Oh my god, yes."

Bo couldn't help laughing. Now that they were safe and together it didn't seem so tragic. "Well, you came along with me in the end. What was it that made you agree to it?"

"Because I knew there was something special about you. I trusted you even if when my head was telling me I shouldn't," Lauren replied. "In fact, I was kind of falling for you."

"You were?" Bo's voice was thick. She now understood the phrase 'cry with happiness'.

"Yeah. I was," Lauren confirmed.

"Come here," Bo said, taking the plate that was in Lauren's hand and placing it next to them on the bedside table. She pulled Lauren until Lauren was underneath her, looking up at her with a look that made her melt even more than she already had.

"I'm never going to let anything happen to you ever again," Bo said, as she leaned down to kiss Lauren, their mouths fitting against one another's perfectly, like they had been made for it.

Bo smiled against Lauren's mouth. It was fate – how many people could say that no matter how they'd met, no matter how trying the circumstances, their love would exist and thrive against the odds? Lauren loved her like nobody ever had; she saw beyond her body and her power. She could trust in that completely. She had never felt so lucky in all of her life. It was like she couldn't wait to do all of the couple-y things with Lauren that they'd been missing out on. She wanted to be Lauren's girl, and for Lauren to be hers.

Lauren didn't contradict her declaration. She _could_ tell Bo that they were living in a dangerous world because she was human and Bo was not, and that there were always going to be forces trying to drive them apart. But Lauren was too happy. She felt anything but cautious right now. Any threat paled into significance when compared with the idea of not being with Bo. She would risk anything for Bo, follow her anywhere, and now she knew with absolute certainty that Bo would do the same for her.

She already had.


End file.
